It's been 2 years........

I could remember standing in the doorway of the triage room and my mom saying to me, "baby why are you standing here?" I told her that I didn't feel like sitting down anymore and she gently put her hand behind my back and guided me back to the bed. I woke up the next day, I was in This room that looked like a bubble and I saw my Pastor, my Elder standing at the foot of this bed that I was laying in. My husband was in a chair sitting at the top of the bed next to me, my dad was standing next to him and my mom was in the back, slightly sitting with tears in my eyes. I didn't know what was going on and as I went to open my mouth to ask a question, I could barely speak. I was hooked up to so many machines, I heard them so clearly beeping as they monitored my heart, brain waves and a ton of other things. I was able to say, "what happened?" And everyone just stared at me in disbelief, as if they didn't expect me to speak. As if they didn't know that I was going to was up. Then I heard someone say "you had a seziure last night........." And then the voice drifted off. I might have been my husband who said it or my dad or my mom.........honestly......I don't really know because I was still in shock at this seizure they said that I had and then the fact that I could barely talk, everyone looking at me so strange.......it was a lot to process. 

My husband stared at me as I laid there and later on when everyone left he told me that the doctors asked him if he had any funeral plans for me because they knew not if I was going to make it. He didn't know what to think. We had a new baby at home and 2 other children and he never saw this life without us raising them together. He held his composure but I couldn't when he told me that. I play that scene in my mind (well how I think it panned out) every now and again. Had I left this earth prematurely what would become of the things that I left. 

 

So for 3 weeks I stayed at the hospital. 2 weeks in ICU and 1 week in neurology. I had lost so much weight and even my skin color was different. I was told that I was very dark, the kind of dark that you see when someone is deteriorating from death. I was always confused and barely had an appetite. I missed my children so much and as laid in the bed day in and day out, I fought to remember them. See I had lost almost everything in that moment. Not just my memory but my sense of life, the things that I once craved, my health, my dreams, my aspiration, I had lost my sense of living.........*sigh* 

The power, the healing power of God sustained my life and when the death angel walked in the room that night, Christ stood up on my behalf. I don't even remember asking Him to save me but He did. I don't remember what I mouthed to Him but He heard me. I can't even fathom why God did what He did for me because....I don't even know a "because" I just know that I am forever indebted to Him as long as I have breath in my lungs and life in my body. 

Today is my new birthday!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!! It's been 2 years since I looked death in the face and was brought back from it. It's been 2 years of dealing with anxiety, battling depression and all the things that I don't share with the people around me. Near death experiences do that to you. Some ppl suffer Post Traumatic stress disorder, some anxiety and etc........it's  been 2 years that I lost and now thankfully, I've found. It's been 2 years but today......those 2 years are only a testament to what God can do, not just for me but for you. If He can bring me back from the dead.........what more can He do for you?? 

Don't give up! He's working it out for you too! 

Won't you join me in celebrating my 2 years of NEW LIFE, RENEWED HEALTH, GROWTH AND MOST OF ALL LOVE!!!

God....you did that!! All praises due to you!! 

This is a True story........

Details.....

Every now and again, I pop in on my blog.....as ME! :) 

Casually dressed today in Isabel Marant sneakers, Armani Jeans, Fendi T-shirt, Yves Saint Laurent and Marc Jacobs bracelet! 

Another day, another slay! Hope everyone is having a great day! *hugs and kisses* 

One man's trash is another man's TREASURE!

So for those of you who don't know, I've been a stay home mom off and on....well for all my kids life! Lol! I've stayed home with all of them for on average, the first year and a half of their lives. The baby has had the privilege of having me all of his life (he'll be 2 next month *tears) so it's definitely been a riled coaster of emotions for me. Sending them off the school, worrying about child care and things of that nature. A couple of months ago my husband decided to take on not one but two part time jobs, so he's been working around the clock and my schedule has been haywire running behind the boys, pick ups drops, school, doctors, blah! His main reason behind working so much was to help me to start up my own business. I was beyond humbled because let's face it, marriage or not, that's not something that most of us would do.  That's a lot of sacrifice and dedication.  

I started doing some research on the type of business that I wanted to open up, started a Mommies group and of course blogging more (yes I know I'm still not blogging enough lol) but I did take a step in that direction. A week or so ago I got an email from someone I use to contract programs for. He had a position available, part time for a Site Director of an after school program. Two days prior to this email, I was praying and asked God to give me direction regarding employment because even though I was working towards my business I wanted to step back into the workplace and get my mind and self accustomed to working again. Not only was the email a prayer answered BUT it was also a great opportunity because one part of my new business would be after school programs. This would give me the opportunity to gain the start up knowledge I needed for my own program and access to funding information and so on (I keep telling you guys, GOD IS THE PLUG). So I accepted the job offer and today they sent me to a training class in the city. 

Due to the location of the training, I decided to take the subway instead of driving. Geez........what was I thinking? Now hear me out, I rode the subway for years before I had a car but now that I'm older, wiser and well a mom, I look at things differently, I.e. The cleanliness of the subway station and the car. I was playing around on Snapchat and went to take a video of me in the subway and oh my goodness, the view of the subway station in the background was HORRIFIC to say the least. I couldn't even finish the video!! The ceilings were gross and just YUCK. I got on the train so disgusted. I started to feel bad for ppl that had to ride the train, not realizing that ppl actually WANT to ride the train so who am I to think that ppl shouldn't ride the train? My mind had a million thoughts and all I could say is God I am not thankful enough for the things in my life that may seem minor, like my car, a roof over my head, food on my table........some people don't have that at all. I thought to myself about all the things that I hadn't been grateful for. He started to minister to me in that moment, He showed me how when I was a sinner and didn't know him I was that "trash" Until I found Him. See, I was a treasure to God, I was trash in this world but He saw my potential, He created me for greatness. To Him, I was lost but HAD TO BE FOUND.........what I was then was not what I was destined to be. Who I was then is not who I am now. In His eyes I was seated on The right hand side of Him! 

I had to look at what I was looking at, on the subway platform different, how "I thought" the people should be differently. Just like I was lost, broken and forgotten and He took me in, cleaned me up and made me new is the same thing that He can do for you. 

I don't know how you view yourself or what you've heard about YOU! I don't know who left you and who is tormenting you. I don't know what you need know today or what dream you had that's been deferred. I don't know what you've been told and how much trash they have compared you too BUT you are not that. 

I do know that the same God that I serve TREASURES you, He wants you to come to Him and know what your worth is. I do know that despite what you've been told, my God is the AUTHOR AND FINISHER OF YOUR FATE and every wrong in your life He can right and just like me, every mess (trash) that you've been in, He can turn into your message. 

DONT YOU DARE GIVE UP!

DONT YOU DARE STOP! 

YOU ARE NOT TRASH!

YOU ARE HIS TREASURE! 

This Is A True Story.........

Pray

Because God loves to hear your voice and there is NOTHING that's too hard for Him!

Pray because God can do ALL things. 

Pray because your life needs God 

Pray.......because He that started a good work in you will continue it! 

He has to hear you so He can speak to you as well! 

Pray......because your family needs it!!!

Pray.........because God is worth the challenge! 

Yes, the challenge! He challenges us in His word....He said "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" so even if you cannot see it He can see it and He's saying that He can do it for you! 

This is A True Story........

God is INTENTIONAL...

Ever so often i sit down and I think about my life, where I am and where I should be or where I want to be. Never do I think that where I am is where I am suppose to be and God does things in His timing, in His season and for HIS WILL!!!!

I'm sitting here on my couch, crying, YES, crying, at my life, at my "feelings" about my life. At the people in my life. At the hurt in my life and blah blah blah blah 

And like My Savior is, He won't leave me hanging, in the midst of my despair, I hear a still small voice say "God is intentional". Of course I know what intentional means but I grab the dictionary anyway and it says "deliberate, done on purpose, premeditated, purposeful...." 

And immediately the scripture "Before you were formed in your mothers womb I KNEW YOU approved of you [as My chosen instrument], and before you were born I separated and set you apart, consecrating you; [and] I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."

Jeremiah 1:5 AMP

I'm crying again....

Because it's that kind of love that will bring you out. It's that kind of love that sets you apart from someone else. It's that kind of love that is intentional, done on purpose, so premeditated that even if you are at the bottom, the end of the rope, it pulls you out and put you back on the "predestined" path that was already designed for you. 

DONT GIVE UP! Keep fighting. Keep pressing. Keep trusting. "For I know my plans for you, they are GOOD ONLY" He said. 

I still have tears in my eyes but I have faith in my heart so don't judge how you feel as an indicator of where you are. You are NOT your feelings!! 

This is a True Story........

Sometimes less is really more

Contrary to popular belief I don't always dress like I'm going to a gala lol...there are days when the less I'm wearing, the better I actually feel! Simple style is the best because it's classic, it's fashion, it's YOU! I received so many compliments today and all I did was throw on something to take the kids to the barbershop but I didn't want to look like I just rolled out of bed either! I mean, let's be honest, when you are juggling kids, a household and YOU, it's not always the first thing you think of (looking cute) but it should always be the thing you strive for because regardless of how hard you work and who looks at you and "whatever" the first thing they will see is how you have presented yourself to them.

Walking across the street, my photographer caught, what to me, was the money shot...........

Simple black Jcrew Tee, Gold Jcrew oxfords, YSL and Marc Jacobs bracelet, Jbrand denim, Gucci tote and Sunnies. 

I pointed that out because looking at it you wouldn't even be able to tell because as I first stated, less is really more. 

So to all my Mommies on the go, all my working women, sisters that are chasing after whatever you're chasing after, don't forget YOU! You deserve to look great! 

I came, I saw, I conquered! 

This is a True Story....

An Ode to "My Mother"

I'm not sure how many people know this about me so if you are new to my blog I'll start off by explaining. I don't know my mother. My biological mother that is. I was raised by my father and as odd as that may sound, it is very true. 

See all my life he was all that I knew. Unlike most of my friends, I didn't have the late night cries with my mother or have her there when I got my first period. I didn't have anyone to talk to when I first had my heart broken nor did I have her there to help me pick out a prom dress BUT believe me when I tell you, my father did the very BEST that he could and he raised me the best way he knew how.  He loved my mother and growing up I realized that I was created out of a love that was real and regardless of why she left or what made her walk away, I know that in that moment, my father wanted me to "be". 

About 10 years ago I gave my life to Christ, I started going back to church and learning who God really was. Shortly after I became pregnant but unfortunately I went into labor very early and gave birth to my first child when I was only 5 and a half months pregnant. It was rough for us. I was young and could not understand what was happening or should I say, had happened to me.  My Pastor prayed for me and my family and at that point she put someone on assignment to pray for me every time that she could. Some time went on and befriend two ladies at my church and we grew a very unique relationship. It was as if we were designed to be more family than friends. We became sisters and I grew really close to their mother. She nurtured and loved me like her own. Called me and checked on me almost every day sort of like how I do with my dad. I shared my pain with her and opened up my heart to her. She prayed for me every chance that she got and she taught me how to build on that relationship that I had with the Lord. See this woman, she didn't birth me but she knew me. I mean she knew me. She knew my heart. She knew my pain. She knew my tears and listen she even knew when I wasn't taking her the truth. She could speak to my spirit without saying a word to me and I would hear what she was saying. It sounds weird. I know. But the connection we had in the spirit I knew that only God could have done. 

In 2005, I got pregnant and like the last time the devil tried to take my son but this time he lived. He was born at a whopping 1 pound 15 ounces and stayed in the NICU for 3 months.  This woman that I speak of came to visit my baby every day of those 3 months. She prayed with him. She called him by  name and spoke his very being into existence. This was a rough time for means she was there EVERY step of the way.  When he came home she was the first person to hold him. I could still remember the doctors saying that he could not be around people for the next few months but his first night home I was so clumsy so inexperienced but I got in my car and drove to her house. She held him, like one of her own. She cried and held on to him as if she knew what he would be. That day will forever be etched in my heart. 

Four and a half years later I gave birth to my second child. I suffered Congestive Heart Failure right after and again, this angel that God had sent to me was with me every step of the way. She even knew that I was pregnant even before I did and now here she is praying for my life and keeping watch over my children. 

Our bond is something that I cannot explain but I know that I know that I know that It is the will of God for her to be in my life at this time in my life. 

Another 4 years later I give birth to my LAST child (lol) and this time it was fatal. After I had him, 5 days later, I woke up in the morning with the worst headache of my life. Here I am, 3 children, one a new born, and I literally feel like I am knocking on deaths door. I call my angel and she accompanied me to the hospital. I was told that I had a blood clot in the brain and had to be transferred. When I was transferred I had a massive seizure and I have no memory after that. I woke up the next day and the first faces I see is my husband and of course my angel (my father was there as well and my Pastor and Elder) but those two faces were the first ones I saw when I opened up my eyes.  See while I was in the ER she was there with me and as unbearable as the pain was she held my hand. She rubbed my head. She pat my back. She prayed. She sang. She talked to the Lord BUT most of all she was there with me. 

I didn't have my mother as a child but I gained a mother as an adult.  She was the woman that my Pastor had placed on assignment to pray for me way before I even knew who she was. She became the woman that my biological mother could not be. I thank my mother for giving birth to me and even now I can say for leaving.......had she not left........I would have never known the woman I call my mother today. 

Mothers have a certain nurturing ability to them that most people would not understand. They can change the atmosphere of your heart and soothe the aching of your soul. 

Today is her birthday and I want to thank Her for being who she is in my life. 

This is an Ode to my Mother.......Virginia......had I not met you when I did I don't know where I would be today. You are beyond what some call amazing and you have given me hope during so many times when I had lost it. Your prayers have sustained me and your love have blessed me. You are the NATURE AND CHARACTER OF GOD IN ACTION. I LOVE YOU, from the crown of your head to the soles of your feet and because of you I am a better woman today. 

This is an Ode to my mother......Virginia.....you are the very thing that I needed that I never had. This is an Ode to my mother......the woman I cried for as a child. You are love, you are joy, you are life and your heart is undoubtedly the most amazing heart that I've come across......

This is an Ode to my mother......Thank you and Thank God for you! Happy Birthday Mommy, I'm so honored to be able to call you that. 

This is a True Story.........

Maverick Monday's

According to dictionary.com, A Maverick  is "a lone dissenter, as an intellectual, an artist, or a politician, who takes an independent stand apart from his or her associates" 

I realize that I've shyed away from the very thing that was apart of me for so long and this morning my sister friend (and also my favorite blogger who retired by the way) said the most amazing thing to me. She said: "Sis when you undervalue what you do, people undervalue who you are. You're too great"  she said that because she gave me a compliment on my sense of style and I was afraid to publicly acknowledge it. I had been hurt before, tremendously (publicly at that) and shunned for who I was. I am a woman of excellence and "style" and the style part had been made out to make me feel like "who do you think you are" kind of feeling..........and not that I'm trying to revisit that, trust me I'm still working on burying the emotional scars it's caused me (especially because of who said it and where it was said) but I used it to address what she said to me. How many of us shy away from who we really are because someone lied to us about our own truths? How many of us shy away from the GREATNESS that we have been created to be? Some of you are born with innate abilities and amazing talents but someone talked you out of who God created you to be. The bible says "don't you know that Ye are gods????"

 Bruhhhhhhhhhhh, do you know how serious that is? The type of power and tenacity you have been given to help change lives, not just around you but in your communities and eventually this nation. You have to walk in your God given destiny and be a Maverick to this world, take an independent stand apart and ARISE TO WHO YOU HAVE BEEN CALLED TO BE!! 

I am a woman of excellence AND style, one of intelligence and integrity. I lead and never follow. I am confident in who God has called me to be and who He has called me to! I was set apart for such a time as this and I walk worthy of my vocation. Not to mention I look good to be a mother of 3 and I can out style some stylist! Lol! *daps self* lol! 

Today I want you to rise up to who you are, turn away from what "they" say you are and stand on the truths that God called you to be. He said that "no weapon formed against you shall prosper and EVERY tongue rising in judgement against you will be condemned". EVERY TONGUE, so speak only that which is TRUTH about who you. 

I had to learn that what God called some to is not what He's called me to. We are all peculiar, our callings are different and the thing that He's placed in me: my passion to change the youth and my community, my love for all things fashion and my bulldog approach at protecting my children and their future at all cost is my God given work and my assignment. Who am I to say any different? Better yet how silly am I to let what was said deter me from what has been destined to BE in my life. 

Repeat after me: 

I denounce every negative word spoken over my life and cancel it right now in the name of Jesus. I speak life and that more abundantly over who I am and I press towards the high mark in Christ! I am who God has called me to be: the head and NOT the tail. I walk into my destiny with courage and the ability to fulfill my call. I am beautiful (handsome if you are a guy). I am blessed. I am powerful and I have power. I am who God says that I am" 

ARISE TODAY MAVERICKS AND BE WHO YOU ARE! 

This is a true story........

So effortless......so me!

I love this layered look and how it's not thought about.....it just IS! 

This is really a look I would put together. Leather pants under a skirt and of course a scarf to pull it together. If you know me, you know I own 9 million scarves! 

Am I my brother's keeper??

Sooooooooooooooooooooo, my son had his second sleep over this year, last night, and it was tons of fun (well for them), for me it was tons of juice passing and cookie crumb sweeping but anything to make them happy right? lol!
They played all night and in the morning they woke up playing.  My oldest son was the one that had the sleep over but my middle son follows everything that he sees his brother do so of course he was a participant in this fiesta.  A few times he came to me crying because my oldest left him out or would not include him in some of the things that they were playing with.  That annoyed me more than I wanted to admit for various reasons so at the last "Mommy, they don't want to play with me," I called him (the older son) into my room for a talk.  I let him know that his younger brother was HIS responsibility and he had a responsibility to make him feel like he was his brother and he could play with anyone that he played with.  He was to treat him the same, if not, BETTER, when he is around his friends because no one should ever have the opportunity to see him mistreat him because that would make them comfortable in doing that to his brother as well.  His friends owed his brother nothing but to respect him because they should know that this is your brother and no matter what you would keep him safe at all times.  He nodded in agreement but I knew that he understood but didn't quite understand.

Then it happened again.............

This time I called everyone to the living room and I said basically the same thing again but this time in front of all of them together: The accuser, the victim and the audience.  (The accuser - the older brother, The victim - the younger brother and The audience - his friend).
See I had to make it plain to him in front of his friend that he was going to show his brother love and kindness no matter where they are or who he's with.   That pertains to every aspect of their lives.  I may not be able to be there all of their lives but for the time that I am there, I will teach them the best way that I can and I will show them the foundational principles of a successful life.  Family is all that we have.

I was an only child growing up and so was their father.  We both never had to share or went through sibling rivalry, etc, however, we both stand firm on the belief that they will grow close and stick together.  Now, don't get me wrong, of course they have little sibling rivalry but they love each other but I also see that my oldest is coming into his own and they are 5 years apart so there are things that they will not be able to do together. The one thing that they will always have is EACH OTHER and they have to know that.

Its like what Christ taught us, to be there for our brothers and sisters, NO MATTER WHAT! No matter if we agree with them or not, or if they are wrong or right.  Correct them behind closed doors but protect them at all cost.  When He died on the cross for our sins, we were IN SIN and facing death but He took the "L"for us so that we might have life and that more abundantly.  He kept us and He saved us.  When your brother is down, do you build him up? Even if you cannot physically do it, do you pray for him? When your sister is being mocked or better yet lets talk about modern day stuff, when your sister is in the midst of the latest gossip, do you engage in the conversation or do you take a stand and walk away?? Do you tell them that you will not partake in this and cover her or do you laugh at whats being said?  *Let that sink in*

If you've answered yes to any of that then its time to check your love walk, its time to practice not only what you may have preached but practice what you have been taught.  Its time to take a stand for whats right and who's right.  My oldest son may not fully understand right now why he has to do this but the next time he feels like mistreating his brother or even allowing someone else to do that he will remember my words and stand firm on them and show that no matter what happens, I will always be my brother's keeper!!!!





This is a True Story..................

The Championship Round

This morning I had the opportunity to speak to a group of young ladies at a center for women. There was some confusion in the time frame because see I was really suppose to speak yesterday but I misunderstood the rescheduling date and thought I was up next Wednesday when I was really up today. 

I was frantic! I did not know how I was going to maneuver my day because a) I was home with the kids and b) I had some other things on my schedule that needed to get done and c) I did not want to go back on my word.  The host informed me that I could bring the kids because there is a play area for them and all I could think was "no way am I doing that" all the while that still small voice was letting me know that He was working this out on my behalf. I rushed to get me and the kids ready. I threw on some jeans, a blazer and of course some bad heels *laughs at self* 

The thing is, I work well under pressure but not this kind of pressure when you have to speak in front of an audience and your children are a part of the audience. It made me more nervous than I imagined but I pushed through and I made it there. When I arrived, 10 beautiful girls were awaiting me. I pulled out my speech and got ready to go over each word with them. As I began talking I realized that God had a different agenda, what was on my schedule was not on His schedule. He wanted me to speak to their heart and like my friend Greg told me, to the confidence that they need to be ignited in them. So i did just that. The girls went from sitting against a wall (away from me)  to surrounding me in a circle...... It opened up the floor for girl talk and that we did. They listened and it blessed me to know that I was entrusted with the lives of these girls to  speak over them. 

What looked to me today as chaos turned into my championship round. Had I not stood still, even for one moment and say "God you have to work this thing out for me" I would have told them I couldn't make it and walked away from this chance.  Moreover, my children were able to see me in action and the super mom super powers that I had were at work. 

In the midst of your chaotic life, in the middle of what seems like you cannot overcome take a moment and reach out to the one who fixes all things. Ask Him to direct and guide you at every step of the way. There is no question that is too hard for Him because He is waiting for you look to Him for instructions. "for the steps of a righteous man are ordered by the Lord" Psalms 37:23 so in every step of your life you must ask Him who created you and the life that you are living, for His divine direction. 

Repeat after me: 

"Today, I ask you Lord to order my steps. Lead me in the path that I should follow and show me the way to go. I trust you. I know that your thoughts for me are good only and if you send me to it then you will bring me through it. I am the victor and I triumph over everything that was set to make me fall. I trust you Lord and I incline my ears to hear your instructions. Amen" 

This is a true story........

In my Father's House.....

My middle son was sick yesterday. I mean he had a real stomach virus, filled with a lot of throw up and other stuff that I wish not to even speak of. I've never washed my hands so many times. I was constantly being called to the bathroom and you couldn't help but to feel bad for him. He had so much pain behind the virus and that was what hurt me the most because I could not do anything for him. All I could do was rub his little tummy and let him know that soon the pain would go away. I'm sure you all know there is no cure for a stomach virus, you just have to let it pass.  So I watched him closely yesterday through all of this and there was something that stuck out to me the most. 

Every time the pain struck he would walk from his room to mine and just lay on my bed. My bed had been the source of some comfort for him. Ironically I was more nervous than anything because I did not want him spilling any of what had been coming out of his body on my bed (lol! I know) but I didn't, however, I wouldn't say that to him I would just ask if he didn't miss his own bed. He told me no. He just wanted to lay here and every now and again he would require a little belly rub. I did all that I could for him and trusted God with healing his little body.  He rolled around in my bed. Back and forth. He would ball up in pain, lay straight in pain or just cry from the pain. I was helpless....words, belly rubs....nothing helped. 

It brought back memories of my childhood, laying on my father's bed when I was sick or when I need to feel safe. My father's bed was the place for me and when I came into the knowledge of who God was God's secret place became the place that I would run to for comfort, solace, healing, restoration and more. 

See, "In my Father's house are many mansions, if it were not so, I would have told you..." (John 14:2), what I find in my Father are all the things I need to sustain myself in this life as the same way, to my sons, they find all they need in their parents: in our beds, our advice, homes and instructions. That scripture went on to say "I go to prepare a place for you .." So even after I've found peace in my Father he wants so much more for me that He is preparing even more for me. 

There is a peace that we find in our parents or guardian. A sense of protection and well...that they just have it all together and can fix anything. It's a certain confidence that we find in them and last night, as I watched him sleep, at peace in my bed, I prayed over him. That was the first real sleep he had all day and that sleep came about in the place that he went to when he needed peace and comfort from the things that have been causing him discomfort.  

When was the last time you went home to visit your parents? Lay in their bed? Talk to them about life? Or cry to release the pain? If your visit is overdue and you are in a season of discomfort or pain, you will find relief in your Father's house!! 

"Seek and you will find. Knock and it will be opened.." -Matthew 7:7 

Go back home today! 

This is a true story......

Oh it's National Lipstick Day

I just came to represent 😼😼❤️❤️

Are you answering to the right title?

Last night I was having one of those heart felt conversations with my husband and I can't really remember the exact question that I asked and he responded "well baby you are a Housewife now..." 

*Gasp* 

*clutches pearls* 

*deep sigh* 

Sir....WHAT??? 

HOW? 

And WHEN did I become that? Did I ask you for that title? *laughs hysterically*  but seriously I did not and now I feel as if I have this title that I now must live up to (sidebar: I was very content with just being a mother and a wife to be honest). 

Here's the thing, I enjoy being home with my boys. I mean, who doesn't want to have the opportunity to raise their children without the worry of going to work everyday!? I've had the opportunity to stay home, at minimum, for the first year of their lives until I went back to work but with the baby I've been home 20 months now and it has been way more harder than I expected to find a job and at times down right depressing BUT I've decided to stop complaining and let God have his way. 

So to my surprise, I have this new title, that I did not ask for, and I'm not sure what to say about it. Like do I live up to this Housewife title, who according to Wikipedia is: "a woman whose main occupation is running or managing her family's home—caring for and educating her children, cooking and storing food, buying goods the family needs in day-to-day life, cleaning and maintaining the home, making clothes for the family, etc.—and who is generally not employed"......... Or do I demand my right to my own title: to be a partial stay home mom who lives off of Starbucks and gawks at her children all day (lol) and partial 'Mini Mogul in the Making?" 

Of course I would choose the latter but honestly I am living all three: Housewife, stay home mom that gawks at her kids and Mini Mogul in the Making. 

The thing that troubled me, however, was the title that I was given without my knowledge of it and it made me think about other titles that we've "allowed" people to give us that aren't really who we are. Titles that push us back, like: failure, has been, worthless, lazy...etc (typing that started depressing me) so imagine what it does to your spirit when you actually hear those words spoken about you. To realize that this is what someone classifies you as and knowing deep in your heart that's not who you are. 

So I ask you today.......what title have you allowed to be placed on you that does not speak of you and what are you doing to change that? 

Will you take on the title of your birthright and allow the ones given to you by God himself to reshape and recreate who you really are? 

He has called you "Prosperous, Blessed, Wonderful, trustworthy, Heir to the throne, The apple of His eye, the salt of the earth...." Will you allow those titles to minister to your spirit and awaken the true you? Won't you allow it today? 

This Is a True Story....

The Motivation for me, was them telling me what I could not be......

Woke up this morning with my future on my mind....my goals that need to be fulfilled and God's destined will being manifested in my life! 

Let's go Dream Chasers! Let's do it! 

Psalms 103:5.....He will renew my Youth as the Eagles

I attended a birthday party for my sons Godbrother yesterday and just like the kids I wanted to play all the games........not in the least bit that I am a gamer but I was their Mom, standing there, overdressed for the occasion but showing my sons that I'll be the mom that they want to bring to school and not the one they kiss at the car and tell her "it's ok mom you don't have to come inside with me" lol! 

In all seriousness, how amazing is God that here I am, standing tall when just a year ago I was laying on my death bed with no prospects of life. So tall, that what was meant to destroy me has catapulted me into my destiny. 

What do you seek from Him that you think impossible for him to do? 

Look at me the stroke victim turned victor and then look at your situation and say "HE IS ABLE TO DO EXCEEDING ABUNDANTLY ABOVE ALL THAT I COULD EVER ASK OR THINK OF". 

Won't He do it? 

The teacher that was willing to be taught by her student

When I first started working in the classroom as a substitute teacher, I was only 4 years older than some of the kids I was "teaching". I developed strong bonds with just about all of them but no one really knew that the infamous "Miss G" was a name given to me by one of the students who was just fed up with not being able to pronounce my maiden name at the time "Grodger". Today was 'Parents day' at camp for the boys and of course Isaiah (or his Godfather) failed to tell me until I pulled up to drop them off. So of course you know I stayed and to my greatest surprise I ran into the young man who gave me that name. He told me that he had been incarcerated for some time, came home, went back and woke up one day & said he had to do better. He enrolled in school & is now working on a trade. I told him I had searched high and low for him & couldn't wait for day that I saw him to thank him for this name that stuck with me for so long. He made a comment to me about some regrets that he had & I decided to share my story with him. He stood in amazement when he heard that I almost didn't make it and thanked me for sharing my story & told me he promised not to give up. He asked me why I left the classroom & if I didn't know what an impact I made on all of them & I shared with him why I left. I shared my future goals & dreams for the youth of my community & avenues that I wanted to take. My student transformed into my teacher & told me what this generation really needed & how I had to draw them. I listened to him, with tears in my eyes, encouraged by his growth & his ability to still make me laugh. I took notes and heed to his suggestions.  
So I ask you today, how many of the "students" in your life have you turned away because you were too good of a "teacher" in your role!? And what if God sent them with the answer that you needed to get from where you are to where you need to be? 
I want to thank you Adrece......in my eyes you'll always be one of my babies but today you also became my teacher!
Sent from my iPhone

From the womb to the tomb.....From now until my doom...

Maven Monday

I don't like how serious they take themselves 

I've always been me...

I guess I know myself 

I been 🔛 

When the Father Steps on the scene....

So my oldest son plays baseball and his father coaches the baseball team that He plays for (such a lucky kid☺️) and last night they had a very important game. Unfortunately I wasn't able to make it but before Isaiah left the house I reminded him that he was going to do well and that I would be there in spirit. Around 10pm I said to myself, wait this is late why aren't they home so I called Lamont to see where they were. He informed me that they lost the game but as the coach he was ok. I sat on the bed & prepared myself for Zay because I know he's coming into his own & has developed his father's competitiveness when it comes to sports and will be very disappointed. He came up the stairs and I heard the despair in his footsteps. He walked by my room and I said "come here son". He looked at me with sad eyes & said "mommy we lost and I don't want to really talk."  I called him in the room anyway. He came in, I looked him in his eyes and said "you will always be a Champion and to me you have won." He tried to smile but a small tear fell down his face. I let him go to his room. He showered and got ready for bed. He tossed and turned for a good 20 mins, I heard him in there wrestling to go to sleep. At that moment I was in the bathroom, I heard Lamont walk down the hallway to his room and started talking. like a creep I peeped out the door to listen lol. I heard him say "you played a good game son! You played a really good game. That makes you a winner! Don't be upset or get fretful you are now a better player than you were last season & that makes you a winner!!" Isaiah reached out and touched his father's hand with his head, I guess as a way of saying thank you and then he laid down. He fell asleep within minutes. You know why??? Because The Father stepped in on the scene.  

You have to think about every situation you are toiling with, every obstacle the devil has put in your way, every trial you have been facing......it will change INSTANTANEOUSLY when The Father steps in on the scene. It's in those moments, those midnight hours when we can no longer deal with what we are going through. It's those moments that the FINAL AUTHORITY will show up and show up and every demonic force in your life must flee. Fathers be attentive to your children as your Heavenly Father is attentive to you! #ItsSomethingAboutTheFather #WhenHeShowsUp #HeShowsOut #iLoveDemBoys #DemRadcliffBoys #FatherYourSons

Public Enemy #1

Greetings in the name of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! Today I have something to share: 

I tried to look up the words "Public Enemy" as a phrase and it's not necessarily found in the dictionary written that way, you're better off looking it up separately. However, I came across the phrase as I was googling a definition and somewhere it said " someone or something that many people do not like or approve of."  

I thought wow! Ok God! I see why this post had to be titled Public Enemy #1. 

See, a few days ago I was placed in a situation where someone blatantly lied on me and it brought sheer chaos to my life. I mean the lack of sleep, migraine headache, racing thoughts type of chaos. It bothered me so much that I was brought to tears by it. I questioned myself and everything around me as to how this one person could say one thing (the lie) and bring about so much turmoil and destruction. It saddened me because of course it hurts being lied on but it hurts even more when your character is attacked and all you can really do is sit back and wait for God to rectify the situation. 

Hear me out, I KNOW THAT I KNOW THAT I KNOW THAT GOD IS GOING TO RECTIFY THIS because He said to "touch not my anointed and do my prophet no harm" but He also told me that vengennce was His and not mine so I really have to sit back and wait if I want to do it the right way. I learned a valuable lesson because if this was some years ago, well even some months ago I wouldn't have done that. I'm learning now to trust God more than I ever had. 

The greatest lesson that I did learn was that this was a spiritual attack. Anything that brings about chaos and confusion is of the enemy and I am a threat to him. I am public enemy #1 in his eyes because every time I profess Christ, every time I seek God or win a soul I bring damage to his kingdom. So guess what? He doesn't approve of my life style as a Christian  nor does he like me and will do anything to change that. 

Know that if you have made a conscious decision to live for Christ, no matter how many times you have fallen, how many mistakes you have made, no matter how many times you may have "thought" you were defeated, you made a choice to live for him and you have now become a target. 

See the assignment was sent to destroy me because he tried to destroy my reputation by giving me a bad name amongst men BUT God has already called me 'CHOSEN/BLESSED/FAVORED/LOVED/ROYAL/BEAUTIFUL/His Daughter/HEIR TO THE THRONE..........those are my God given titles and No man on earth can change that. They persecuted Jesus and called him all types of fakes and phonies but He only answered to the name His father gave him which was "Son of God." 

You may be battling something right now and it seems like all hell is breaking loose in your life but I dare you to stop right where you are, take a deep breath and speak to who you really are. You Public Enemy to the kingdom of darkness BUT you are CHOSEN to the Kingdom of Christ! 

Walk in your God given right and NEVER give up the good fight of faith. Christ died so that you might live and declare the works of the Lord. 

I refuse to bow to this situation because I know that soon enough my enemies will be my footstools. Be encouraged and know that even now He is working it out on your behalf.  

This is a true story........

Makeup 101

So I told myself that I would be blogging more this year and building my brand and what have I been doing? The complete opposite...........BUT......today is a start and this topic has been on my mind for the last few weeks so I decided to blog about it. 

I've been wearing make up now for a few years and every year I like it more lol! It started a few years after my first born and then the love for it grew more after I had my second son. My very first foundation was Mac's NW 45 studio fix powder. Looking back I probably looked like a vampire because I'm sure I had no clue as to what I was doing and I know even more now that I didn't need that much coverage because your girl had skin like a new born 😼. 

Anyway as the years grew I've gotten better. I now know what works with my skin: colors, coverage, liquid vs powder, etc.  I'm not very big on eye shadow and mascara but I love blushes and lipsticks. I'll actually blog more about that at a later date.  Since I loveeeeeee this thing called fashion, contrary to popular belief, one should know make up application as well as materials and their textures. They all play a part in a person's overall look. 

I've noticed so many women wearing make up now and proud to wear it and it makes me all "butterfly-ie" inside because I love when women embrace what they love and own it!! *round of applause*

NOW WITH THAT SAID, some of you need a few pointers and though I am NOT a make up artist or an expert there are certain basics that we all should know so im just passing on the knowledge. 

Makeup 101: 

1. If you use a make up brush for your foundation, eye shadow, blush, etc it is IMPERATIVE that you wash it every few days. Honestly my sister is a make up artist and she makes me wash my brushes DAILY. You would be surprised at the amount of bacteria that builds up in those brushes and if you keep applying your make up not only are you causing damage to your skin but you are also contaminating your foundation. If you notice little breaks or small dots (like holes) in your powder foundation chances are bacteria got into so wash those brushes ladies. 

2. When choosing your foundation if you can't go to a make up counter test in some good light. Go in the hallway of where you live, your friends house etc. the light in your bathroom is not as honest as we want to think. It lies sometimes lol. If after applying your foundation, your face does not Blend in with your neck it's not the right match. 

3.  Unfortunately soap and water does not take all your make up off so invest in good make up remover wipes or the make up remover solution. I use to use the really expensive make up brand wipes (MAC, Chanel etc) but honestly no wipe had done me more justice than Neutrogena make up remover wipes. 

They really work! They get everything off. I just recently purchased Sephora's make up remover wipes and they are pretty good too so I recommend those as well. 

Once you have removed your make up then you should wash your face and moisturize it to replenish whatever was lost with the make up removal. 

4. Makeup means NOTHING without good skin care ladies so take care of your skin. Your make up should enhance your look not make up to make you look too made up. If you have troubled skin take care of that first. Any good make up artist should tell you that. Vitamin C does WONDERS to the skin. It rejuvenates, revives and brings back your youthful look so find a serum or even a moisturizer that has vitamin c in it and apply it daily. Drink water to eliminate acne and build up. I know I hate water but as I'm getting older im realizing how important it is for LIFE in general. It really helps your skin. Find a good face wash for your skin type. If you have dry skin you should have a moisturizing wash like Cetaphil. Seek a dermatologist if need be but take care of your skin. Oh and MOISTURIZE MOISTURIZE MOISTURIZE!!!! We all need to do it! If you are using make up to cover up bad skin it will only make it worse ladies so take care of your God given gift! :) 

5. Last but not least, Learn what really works for you. I hate to see women do the most. First find an everyday look. Yellow lips are not appropriate for ANY work environment.  I don't care if you work in a circus. Especially if you are over a certain age. Older women that dress up like clowns every day annoy me. If you are wearing a loud lip then the rest of your make up should be neutral. If you are wearing a neutral lip then you can wear bright shadows etc. 

An every day look should be appropriate for the office,school, the supermarket or the flea market. It's bad enough that we get a bad rep for even liking make up but keep it classy ladies. Neutral with little to no colors for the day and jazz it up with colors for the nights or when you are Going out. You can do it! 

I'll do a follow up blog with products and things of that nature in the near future.  Hopefully this was helpful to someone. :) 

Underneath the dirt....

So as most of you know, I have three children, three boy children: 9,5, and 1 years old and to say they are all very different is, well an understatement. They are active, playful, loving, caring, sweet, inquisitive..........and gosh, they are all soooo cute (I know I know all moms feel that way but they really are😊).  

So if you are a parent of a boy child or have had brothers I'm sure you know they can get messy at times (not that girls don't but little boys enjoy dirt! Yikes). We are constantly cleaning up behind them and last night I think I had my breaking point. 

I ordered the two older ones to put every last toy in their toy box and pick up all the papers that they just had laying around. I went to get the extra dirt they left behind and for some strange reason I grabbed the broom instead of the vacuum and I began to sweep up dirt off their carpet.  Of course I had to work harder because sweeping is much more work than vacuuming but I did it. I used the little thing to pick up the dirt (forgot the name) and as I was sweeping the dirt into it, thinking to myself how annoying this was, I heard God say to me "This is what I do! I clean off the dirt from my people, no matter how much or hard it is so that the world can see the real them". 

I looked at the carpet and it almost looked new, the tiny specks of dirt that was left over was because the broom couldn't get into the very small parts, the vacuum would have been able to and I think that's how God works for us. 

When we give our lives to Him, He CLEANS US UP.  He vacuums our sins off of us and throws into in the sea of forgetfulness the same way a regular vacuum bag is thrown away when it has been used. I just sat there, speechless, marveling in what He said to me and feeling completely blessed all at the same time. 

There is a promise in the Bible that I LIVE by and recently I've been praying it more. In Psalms 23, David said "Surely goodness and mercy will follow me ALL the days of my life......" And that serves as a constant reminder that throughout the pain, the mistakes, the sins, throughout all of that, He still cleans us up and not only makes us presentable but He makes us representatives of Him on this earth. 

Underneath all the dirt lies children of the living God and if you are yet still to be cleaned I ask that today you go to Him, His vacuum has your name on it and He's more than ready to clean you up and make you His representative. 

This is a true story 

"If you love me.....say it"

I always wonder about the way a person dies and does it have any equivalence to the way we live. The sudden and unprepared passing of a person can leave such a damper on your heart that you may begin to question, Where did I go wrong? 

As I read the brief story and description of her death: leaving her son's soccer game to come home and make dinner, accidentally falls in the kitchen and cuts her neck and then bleed to death makes my heart ache, literally, for her husband who found her and her son who will have to live without her. 

Things like this will always remain a constant reminder as to one of her most famous songs, as life is really as a vapor as the word of God so eloquently puts it. So since tomorrow is really not promised and our next moment together is unsure, all I ask is, "If you love me, say it"

RIP Maxwell of Brownstone and may the peace of God encompass your husband, son and family during this unexpected passing of your life. 

The ability to Love without flaw

It's 12:21 pm and I'm having a convo via text message with my sister Deann. We're reminiscing on my children and how God has blessed me with three exceptionally beautiful, yes I know they are boys but beautiful boys. I'm sending her pictures of my second born, prince Noah and I came across a collage of all three of them and I looked at it and began to start which was immediately followed by tears, real LIVE tears, as I looked at each of them at this stage in their life and I am in awe at what the Creator my God has done. 

You see, my life has been no bed of roses and though there have been times that I question God like how could you give me three children, I look at them now and all I could see is God's love for us, HIS children. It takes a certain heart to love and love differnt ppl at once, without flaw or question or bias or any of that. It takes a heart that desires love to love without question and that's what He gave me. No matter where you are now in life you have to know, HEAR ME SAY THAT, you have to know that no matter where you are God still love you and He's never stopped. He's waiting for you to see that just like a mother and a child no Matter what you do in life the love doesn't cHange, so is His love for you.  

So to my son's: Isaiah, Noah and Liam........... No matter where you are in life and no matter where you go, the love that I feel for you can never ever be tainted. You have made me a better woman, a better friend, a better wife, a better mother. You're life is a sheer reflection of God's love for me. You are three strong men, brilliant, integral, men of valor and strength. You are men of your word, steadfast and unmovable in God. You love with your whole heart. Tou are intelligent and wise and favored amongst many. You lead and not follow. You are kind and not judgmental. You are effortless in your ability to speak and you a leader amongst your peers. You gave me the one that no one could take away from me and that is the ability to love you without flaw. I love you with my whole heart

Mom

This is a True Story 

My Open Letter to Bobbi Khristina Brown

Baby girl, 

It's with the heaviest of hearts that I write this letter to you because somewhere within me, I felt that if I was on my post and doing my own part that the position you are in could have been prevented. 

You (or they) may say, what do you mean? You don't even know her......and they are very much right to say that, I don't know you, our paths have never crossed and our lives have never been introduced but somewhere in me I've felt some of your pain, I've experienced the oppressive depression and I've hid behind my smile and concealed all my hurt and all the pain. I can remember days of crying my eyes out and laying in my bed being tortured by the pain caused by some one else. Not knowing what my tomorrow would hold. I know the feeling of "she got it all together" and in some aspect I did but not "all" just some........some of me was together and some of me wasn't. And that's the complication of dealing with issues of the heart because some of it sounds like jargon and some of it sounds like pain. Some of it sounds like anguish and some of it sounds like gain. Some of it somewhat sounds beautiful and then some it *pauses for a second* 

Some of it just sounds loud and angry and confusing....and.......well you get me. 

Even if what you are dealing with has nothing to do with being depressed, or missing your mom like the media states. Even if you are dealing with something totally different, sis, I've been there too. I've been young and confused or thought that  I knew what I wanted. I've been young and focused and have gotten all that I needed. I'm still young and still striving because, well, it's life and we just go through what we go through so that's why first I apologize. I apologize because God called me to be an Intercessor, to seek Him out for those that need prayer and stand in the gap for them and for some reason, I miss it, I've missed others and everytime I read your story I feel like I've missed you. See, I am armed with weapons of mass destruction, mass destruction in the spirit to tear down strong holds and break yokes and remove burdens..........but again.......somehow I missed you. So I repented........and I stand in the gap for you right now declaring healing and WHOLENESS over you right now in the name of Jesus. I command your body to align itself to the word of God and function in the capacity in which God designed it to function. I speak peace to your mind and to the minds of your family and declare that the will of God for your life will be done. In Jesus name Amen. 

Now I know, you are resting so I've asked God to visit you in that state and if you don't know Him to give you the opportunity to know Him because I know that He can bring you back from where you are. He brought Lazarus back from death and guess what else? He brought me back from the same death so I know what I ask of Him is possible. 

So again, I know you are resting, take your time in that but know that there is someone out here that's not judging you or does not see you as "just a celebrity." Know that there is someone out here rooting for you and praying for your soul because this someone knows that if God himself desires that you be in good health and prosper even as your soul prospers then that someone desires the same thing for you and that someone baby girl, that someone is Me! 

*deep sigh*

I know that you are resting right now and I've asked God to visit You, receive Him when He comes. 

Rest easy baby girl. I'm rooting for you. 

Love, 

Akilah 

This is A True Story. 

Man shall not live alone........

So, I just had my first panic attack and it was nothing short of pretty. 

I'm in my room changing the littlest prince's diaper and I hear my oldest scream out "mommy come quick. It's the toilet."  I think nothing of it until l hear him scream again, "mommyyyyyyyyyy it's the toiiiiiiiiiilet!!!!"  

I quickly strapped the pamper on pumpkin and rush to the bathroom to find the toilet flowing water like a pool, literally.  I grab the plunger, try to plunge (I think that's what you say) and to my dismay the water continues flowing. "The Father" had left for work and here I am in a pool of water, watching my life go down the drain with it. 

So I swallow my pride and call him. I knew not what to do. We are now both yelling, him instructions, me.....fear......and that left both of us no where. I hang up, decide to call my landlord (who I am one punctuation mark away from despising) and for the first time ever she sound as if she cared. She told me she could not come out because there was an emergency vehicle on her street but she was going to try and get someone to come out and help me. I was able to open the top part and the drain/pipe? Not sure what it was but I lift it and it stopped the water. Now here's the trick, the stupid thing must have been broken because once I let it go it started overflowing again.  Now I'm panicking again, rain boots on in the middle of my tiny bathroom, tears in my eyes as my son assist me with this task and I hear a knock on the door. 

It was my neighbor. *whew*  He lives upstairs and my landlord called him to help me. So Fast forward, he was able to get the water to stop. Evidently my son "really really" went to the bathroom and then walaaaaa! Just like that, the problem was solved. 

Now I'm stuck with this mess. The kids room was wet. My living room and bathroom floors were soaked and here I was, rain boots on, in the middle of my bathroom floor and tears in my eyes. 

So I put my big girl boots on and began to clean up the mess and I thought to myself..........is this how life alone (not lonely, just alone, big difference but another blog entry) would be??? 

I'm not sure if we were all destined to be married but I don't think that God created this whole world with billions of people for us to be alone. I realize the lesson in it because I was able to see both sides of the fence. I know what it is like to be married and have someone fix the pipe and clean the snow off your car, the help with groceries and so on and so forth and TONIGHT, say Tonight, I saw what it would be like doing it by myself. 

If you know me, you know I'm a girly girl. I don't even as much as step on a bug in fear of it messing up the bottom of my shoes (don't judge me) lol! And here I am, in the middle of my bathroom floor, paper towels, gloves and my rain boots. 

I know that the time alone breeds a strength that cannot be broken down and when you have that opportunity to live alone and do those things you develop a certain level of independence and it builds your character and gives you knowledge of things that you could only learn on your own. 

But the fear of that water not stopping struck a cord in me, it made me question my prayers and things that I had sought God about. Things that would leave me in that "alone place." 

So it left me with the question "Should man be alone?" With so many people around us should be suffer the fate of standing alone, in my rain boots, in the middle of my bathroom floor, with tears in my eyes? 

2015

"But I hide from the camera......

Why??

Cause a picture's worth a thousand words"