A soft answer........

I think every woman will be able to identify with this next statement:

I WENT OFF ON HIM IN THAT TEXT MESSAGE. I MEAN I REALLY READ HIM HIS RIGHTS!!!!!!!!

LOL!!!

However, so I thought.

See I'm struggling to even share this story but as you know when God gives me a word I have to share it. So here goes

My husband and I had a disagreement and like always I had to send him a text message even THE NEXT DAY because I still had a point to prove. This time I was really going off. Hitting so many points and things I was "justified" in saying. I noticed the first (set), yes set of messages, he didn't respond and of course that made me even more upset so I sent another round (gosh this sounds bad lol),  I felt so much better the last message because I bared my soul in what I was saying. As I hit send, I waited for the little bubbles to pop up in the iMessagewithnhis respons......... now I see that he's responding, I'm anxious, thinking of what he's going to say about my message and few seconds later the message comes through and it read:

I LOVE YOU!!


Wait...........WHAT??? PERO DASSITTT???? I love you???? Did he see what I just wrote?? How upset I was? How my feelings hurt? Did he say that I was trying my best to make him feel how I feel? Hurt how I was hurt? (Go back and read that again).

BUT DID HE SEE????????????????????????????????



And just like a gush of wind, it hit me..........."I love you". Tears welled up in my eyes. He didn't want to fight as much as I didn't want to fight and I allowed my emotions to control my actions. "I Love You". It wasn't a saving grace, it wasn't a you won kind of thing, "I love you," because this isn't worth losing you.

The Bible says in Proverbs 15:1 "a soft answer turns away wrath but grevious words stir up answer".
It's not always, if ever, really worh the fight sometimes it's best to end it with a simple "you're right" or "thank you but I'm not taking that today". This wasn't just for this area in my life but God was showing me for every area in my life choose the "soft approach". The problem with me is I ALWAYS choose the soft answer. I always brush things off and give people their way so I felt justified but what He wanted me to see was, the battle is NEVER mine, it's HIS *insert praise break* and if I could just trust Him and let go of what I'm "feeling"  then He can work it out for me.

My husband saying I love you was bigger than that, it was His faith that allowed him to walk away from making a decision to combat what I said, potentially ending with both of us being hurt.  He made a decision to choose right and that over-ride anything that I did that was not right (uuuuugggghhhh lol).

 God has this remarkable way of doing things. He has this way of opening up our eyes in areas that we don't expect  but He does it because He cares so much for us. Take a moment and think about all He times that you could have used a soft word to end a disagreement. Now think about this: Was it worth it?

Until we meet again, God's peace, blessings and love I leave with you.













This Is A True Story.....................

Secure Your Seat

"With loving kindness have I drawn you....." Jeremiah 31:3

We took the kids on a two day visit to Sesame Place, just to get a little break, let them have a little fun and escape all the madness that has been hitting the media lately.  On the first day we arrived a little later than expected so we started the day late which wasn't a part of the plans. Needless to say it was off to a fun start. Since we went on a week day, the park closed at 8 and Sesame usually throws their parade an hour before closing time. A little bit before 7, we decide to walk towards the entrance to get a good seat and view so the kids could watch the parade. We spot a nice bench and decided to sit there. My husband took the kids to get something to eat while I stayed to "hold the seat down."  I have the littlest one with me so 2 minutes in he's already getting antsy, wanting to be with his dad and brothers. I am constantly watching over him as he tries to run off, as well as "guard" this seat with my life (because in amusement parks they are really hard to come by) lol! 

As I'm doing this and driving myself crazy , three women with a baby in stroller walks by. The one pushing the stroller may have been about my age and the other two women looked like they could be her mom and maybe an aunt or something. They stop at this precious seat that I am holding on to but I really didn't pay much attention to them. A minute later one of them beckons to the younger woman to sit and as I saw that I gently said "I'm sorry. I'm holding this seat for my family."  She responds with a head nod and an ok and I continued to do what I was doing with 'baby busy body.' 

I finally get him to sit next to me on the bench and I glance over at the women with the baby stroller and a sudden sadness came over me. Why did I tell them no? Why didn't I just allow them to sit there? I started to feel horrible. What did I do? I could hear the Lord speaking to my heart and I started repenting. "God im sorry...."  As I'm saying that I hear the boys laughing, running up to me with food in hand and they proceed to sit next to me on the bench. As I look at them laughing and eating, I started feeling even worse. What type of message am I sending to my children? They are boys who should have been standing while these women sat down. Why didn't my husband pick up on this either? Was it that important to secure this seat?

See, here's the thing. I really made a bad judgment call. We have gotten so accustomed to fighting for everything that we had that we fought for our "right" to keep that seat but there were so many things wrong with this picture. I didn't think anything of it and neither did he until GOD convicted my heart. These were women, two in which were older women, and to make matters worse the idea of racism and prejudices started plaguing me especially it being the day after Alton Sterling was murdered. The women were Indian and now the idea that this black woman was "acting up" started to play in my head. They never once showed me a bad face but they looked over at me a few times and I ASSUMED that was what they were discussing amongst each other. I began crying inside for so many reasons. For not teaching my sons the right way, for not getting up and giving them the seat, for not showing God's love and being kind.............FOR NOT............for not doing what should have been the first thought for me to do. 

So many of us have made bad choices in life and we sit on our "benches" and cry the way that I did. We are so afraid to get up and just say "I'm sorry, I messed up" because we fear the response of the person or even the response of ourselves. I wanted to go over to them and say that I'm sorry. I wanted to tell them that I really made a bad call and that wasn't my intentions. I wanted to tell them that I messed up, that it was just a seat and I should have just allowed them to sit there. I wanted to say that it had nothing to do with culture or race, it was just a bad call. I wanted to say that but I was embarrassed. I wanted to say that but I was afraid......afraid of their responses. 

When you hear God talking, when you feel him tugging at your heart, respond to him..........He knows what He's doing and even the more what you should be doing. 

To the women, by the bench, on Sesame Place, maybe this post will cross your path one day, maybe someone you know is reading this and will share this story with you.  If you ever see this, I'M SORRY! In the moment I wasn't strong enough, wise enough or secure enough to say that I made a bad judgment call.  I watched you, as you all gushed over the baby, I saw her little face light up. I saw the disappointment in 'Grandma's face' when I denied you access to something that wasnt even mine.  I missed the mark but thank you for not calling me out in my wrong and allowing me to see for myself what I did wrong.

Maybe some of you reading this wont think its anything wrong with what I did because I had my own children to look out for but GOD thought that what I did was wrong, so much that He tugged at my heart and made me see it.  I want to be the change that I am praying for and since it starts with me, I want to say this to those of you reading.  Today, do something nice for someone, do something that you would not normally do.  Not the regular holding the door or giving a compliment but do something "ExtraOrdinary" and watch God move for you.


















This Is A True Story...........................

Like the weight on my shoulders..........prayer releases things

Lately it seems like my life has been a whirlwind of issues and of emotions. I have been hit left and right with what seemed like so much baggage. I feel like the woman in baggage claim at the airport, with her children, sitting and waiting for ALL the bags and as she grabs each one her arm weakens from the weight that's applied as she pulls them off the belt. 

It's hard being a woman and even harder being a woman that wears many hats and holds more than one titles.  

Very seldom do I cry when I write. Unless I am sharing my story or adding it to a piece of my work so writing this post and crying at the same time only means that I'm releasing those emotions of what has transpired in my life over the past few weeks. I encourage you as you read this, with whatever title you may hold or whatever hat you wear today to release the weight of what brings you to the point where you cannot seem to go on. Whatever your vice is (and I pray it is not drugs) use your vice to help release those things. Workout, go for a walk, shop, call up a friend BUT most of all pray! 

Today I am not feeling like myself but I wanted to pray for you and for me that the weight that so easily besets us would be released into the hands of the ONLY person that can fix it.....God himself!

Let's pray:

Father in the name of Jesus, I come bodily to your throne of grace today. I come asking for direction and guidance so that you can order my steps as you see how. I release the weight, the emotions and the cares of this world into your hands. I do this on the behalf of myself and everyone reading this. You see and know all things so I trust that you will fix what has been broken, you will resurrect what has died and you will replenish and restore all that we need to go forth in our lives. I declare peace into our hearts and into our homes. I command strength to over take us and grace to sufficiently guide us. Your love never fails so I rely on it today. Wrap your arms around us this evening Holy Spirit and comfort us so that we can be reminded to be still and know that God is God. Thank you for hearing this prayer. Thank you for moving on our behalves. Thank you for your forgiveness and your restoration. Thank you for being who you are because who you are is all that we need in Jesus name Amen! 

This is a true story.......

When you call, I will answer....

I think I've learned some of my most valuable spiritual lessons from my children. Everytime I think I got it, it's like BAM, they do something and as clear as day I can hear God speak to me through their actions or something they say.

I walked into an elevator today with baby boy (the 2 year old) and there were three people already on it. A man and two women. As we got on they all started gushing at him, "oh he's cute" etc. I thanked them for their kind words of compliments because I hold compliments in high esteem. People don't have to give it so when they do I let them know how much it's appreciated. So we're standing there and Liam starts pointing to the woman behind me. I put his little finger down and I said "baby don't point that's not polite" and as i put his little finger down it went right back up again. The women on the elevator chuckled at him, as I did too, and he proceeded to do it again. This time I was ready to pick him up and hold him with hopes of him not doing it again and like expected, he did it again! Now I have this nervous look on my face. I wanted him to stop, you know be one of those moms who have it all together and can speak in a very soft tone and their child listens, I wanted to be that, in that moment, but Liam wouldn't let me be great. The elevator approaches the next floor and as the doors open, the woman that was actually standing to my right reaches out to him and gives him her banana. IMMEDIATELY his face lights up, he laughs and yells "yayyyy mommy 'nana'" we all start laughing and as she walks off the elevator she looks at him and says "i hope you enjoy it." Now he's really happy. He's smiling and begging me to open the 'nana.'  Our floor comes up and as the remainder of us get off the elevator, the thought crossed my mind........how many times have we asked God for something and because "our" focus wasn't on the right thing we missed him giving to us the very thing that we asked him for. 

See, here's another thing, Liam doesn't eat bananas (well not anymore) but he's obsessed with the minions from the movie Despicable Me and because the banana is food of choice he has become obsessed with them too. He will ask you to open it and walk around with it all day long but won't eat it. 

The woman knew all along what he was pointing at and even though he was with ME, I still could not see it. She read his body language, even better than his own mother and she attended to the need that he had. That is just like GOD. He attends to every need and even when we think we know what we want (just like I thought my son was pointing at the other woman) He strategically waits for the right appointed time and then delivers it to us, like the woman to the right of me did. 

My focus was on the wrong thing, yet He still delivered. 

I wrongfully corrected my son (like we wrongfully accuse God) and He still came through. 

I was adamant about him putting his finger down like we are so adamant in telling God when He should move and He still moves at the point that He should so that what we need can be fulfilled and bless us instead of cursing out because we receive it out of its season. 

How many times have you asked God for something and wasn't found in the right place to receive it? 

Or how many times have you blamed him for not moving on your behalf when you give up hope and don't trust His timing? 

I admonish you today to not give up on what you are seeking after and just BE STILL AND KNOW THAT HE IS GOD!!! 

This is a true story...........

No one left behind......

My newly turned 6 year old never fails to amaze me. He's witty, smart, full of love & life and is always the voice of reason so when he says things that aren't regular "6 year old" conversations I try to share them. 

I've told you guys in the past that we do everything together as a family: food shopping, clothes shopping, ice-cream, to the corner store, lol, I mean anything you can think of so its not strange when we get home for everyone to rush out of the car to get in the house and relax. I'm usually the last one to get out of the car and my husband is usually the first one to get to the door to open it and bring the bags in (I move really slow sometimes, depending on if I fell asleep during the car ride or not) and I'll take my time and walk in. I've noticed my 6 year old lingering around, waiting, for me, so most of the times I'll tell him, don't wait baby go in the house with daddy, mommy is on her way in.......however.....He still stands around and waits for me. 

A couple nights ago we went to dinner and when we got back home it was a similar routine, everyone rushing to get in the house but this time the baby was asleep so my husband took him out the car and rushed him in the house and out the cold. I told my 6 year old the same thing to go inside with daddy and this time without hesitation he looked at me, with so much passion and love in his eyes and said "mommy I'm not leaving you behind. I won't leave any of us behind."  Immediately tears welled up in my eyes, he said it was so much care and concern that it moved me to tears. All the love that I had for him tripled in that one moment. He struck a note in me that I didn't even know existed. He played the very thing that I needed to remind me that God has not forgotten me as He hasn't forgotten any of you. 

"God isn’t late with his promise as some measure lateness. He is restraining himself on account of you, holding back the End because he doesn’t want anyone lost. He’s giving everyone space and time to change.”

2 Peter 3:8-9 MSG

http://bible.com/97/2pe.3.8-9.msg

I chose the "Message" version of that scripture because it made it so plain that God's hearts desire is for none of us to be lost or "left behind". He desires us to be with Him so that we can be saved from destruction. When I think about my baby and how his little heart couldn't bear to see me walking in by myself so he waited, no matter the weather, he waited. Whether it was warm or cold, rain or snow, sleet or hail, he would wait for me, just as God waits for you. 

God's desire (a strong feeling of wanting to have something) is for you to not perish but to be with Him where you are safe and away from harm. He desires for you to be in a better place so bad that no matter you've done, He still leaves room for you to repent and come home to him. 

If you are experiencing any type of turbulence today, maybe it's raining problems in your life or you are covered in a hail storm of bills or health issues or relationship issues.......I dare you to just look up and reach your hand towards him, press towards him and let him see that you cannot walk this walk alone and as He desires to walk with you, you too desire to go on your journey with Christ as your guide. 

You will not be left behind!!

This is a True Story.......

It's been 2 years........

I could remember standing in the doorway of the triage room and my mom saying to me, "baby why are you standing here?" I told her that I didn't feel like sitting down anymore and she gently put her hand behind my back and guided me back to the bed. I woke up the next day, I was in This room that looked like a bubble and I saw my Pastor, my Elder standing at the foot of this bed that I was laying in. My husband was in a chair sitting at the top of the bed next to me, my dad was standing next to him and my mom was in the back, slightly sitting with tears in my eyes. I didn't know what was going on and as I went to open my mouth to ask a question, I could barely speak. I was hooked up to so many machines, I heard them so clearly beeping as they monitored my heart, brain waves and a ton of other things. I was able to say, "what happened?" And everyone just stared at me in disbelief, as if they didn't expect me to speak. As if they didn't know that I was going to was up. Then I heard someone say "you had a seziure last night........." And then the voice drifted off. I might have been my husband who said it or my dad or my mom.........honestly......I don't really know because I was still in shock at this seizure they said that I had and then the fact that I could barely talk, everyone looking at me so strange.......it was a lot to process. 

My husband stared at me as I laid there and later on when everyone left he told me that the doctors asked him if he had any funeral plans for me because they knew not if I was going to make it. He didn't know what to think. We had a new baby at home and 2 other children and he never saw this life without us raising them together. He held his composure but I couldn't when he told me that. I play that scene in my mind (well how I think it panned out) every now and again. Had I left this earth prematurely what would become of the things that I left. 

 

So for 3 weeks I stayed at the hospital. 2 weeks in ICU and 1 week in neurology. I had lost so much weight and even my skin color was different. I was told that I was very dark, the kind of dark that you see when someone is deteriorating from death. I was always confused and barely had an appetite. I missed my children so much and as laid in the bed day in and day out, I fought to remember them. See I had lost almost everything in that moment. Not just my memory but my sense of life, the things that I once craved, my health, my dreams, my aspiration, I had lost my sense of living.........*sigh* 

The power, the healing power of God sustained my life and when the death angel walked in the room that night, Christ stood up on my behalf. I don't even remember asking Him to save me but He did. I don't remember what I mouthed to Him but He heard me. I can't even fathom why God did what He did for me because....I don't even know a "because" I just know that I am forever indebted to Him as long as I have breath in my lungs and life in my body. 

Today is my new birthday!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!! It's been 2 years since I looked death in the face and was brought back from it. It's been 2 years of dealing with anxiety, battling depression and all the things that I don't share with the people around me. Near death experiences do that to you. Some ppl suffer Post Traumatic stress disorder, some anxiety and etc........it's  been 2 years that I lost and now thankfully, I've found. It's been 2 years but today......those 2 years are only a testament to what God can do, not just for me but for you. If He can bring me back from the dead.........what more can He do for you?? 

Don't give up! He's working it out for you too! 

Won't you join me in celebrating my 2 years of NEW LIFE, RENEWED HEALTH, GROWTH AND MOST OF ALL LOVE!!!

God....you did that!! All praises due to you!! 

This is a True story........

Details.....

Every now and again, I pop in on my blog.....as ME! :) 

Casually dressed today in Isabel Marant sneakers, Armani Jeans, Fendi T-shirt, Yves Saint Laurent and Marc Jacobs bracelet! 

Another day, another slay! Hope everyone is having a great day! *hugs and kisses* 

One man's trash is another man's TREASURE!

So for those of you who don't know, I've been a stay home mom off and on....well for all my kids life! Lol! I've stayed home with all of them for on average, the first year and a half of their lives. The baby has had the privilege of having me all of his life (he'll be 2 next month *tears) so it's definitely been a riled coaster of emotions for me. Sending them off the school, worrying about child care and things of that nature. A couple of months ago my husband decided to take on not one but two part time jobs, so he's been working around the clock and my schedule has been haywire running behind the boys, pick ups drops, school, doctors, blah! His main reason behind working so much was to help me to start up my own business. I was beyond humbled because let's face it, marriage or not, that's not something that most of us would do.  That's a lot of sacrifice and dedication.  

I started doing some research on the type of business that I wanted to open up, started a Mommies group and of course blogging more (yes I know I'm still not blogging enough lol) but I did take a step in that direction. A week or so ago I got an email from someone I use to contract programs for. He had a position available, part time for a Site Director of an after school program. Two days prior to this email, I was praying and asked God to give me direction regarding employment because even though I was working towards my business I wanted to step back into the workplace and get my mind and self accustomed to working again. Not only was the email a prayer answered BUT it was also a great opportunity because one part of my new business would be after school programs. This would give me the opportunity to gain the start up knowledge I needed for my own program and access to funding information and so on (I keep telling you guys, GOD IS THE PLUG). So I accepted the job offer and today they sent me to a training class in the city. 

Due to the location of the training, I decided to take the subway instead of driving. Geez........what was I thinking? Now hear me out, I rode the subway for years before I had a car but now that I'm older, wiser and well a mom, I look at things differently, I.e. The cleanliness of the subway station and the car. I was playing around on Snapchat and went to take a video of me in the subway and oh my goodness, the view of the subway station in the background was HORRIFIC to say the least. I couldn't even finish the video!! The ceilings were gross and just YUCK. I got on the train so disgusted. I started to feel bad for ppl that had to ride the train, not realizing that ppl actually WANT to ride the train so who am I to think that ppl shouldn't ride the train? My mind had a million thoughts and all I could say is God I am not thankful enough for the things in my life that may seem minor, like my car, a roof over my head, food on my table........some people don't have that at all. I thought to myself about all the things that I hadn't been grateful for. He started to minister to me in that moment, He showed me how when I was a sinner and didn't know him I was that "trash" Until I found Him. See, I was a treasure to God, I was trash in this world but He saw my potential, He created me for greatness. To Him, I was lost but HAD TO BE FOUND.........what I was then was not what I was destined to be. Who I was then is not who I am now. In His eyes I was seated on The right hand side of Him! 

I had to look at what I was looking at, on the subway platform different, how "I thought" the people should be differently. Just like I was lost, broken and forgotten and He took me in, cleaned me up and made me new is the same thing that He can do for you. 

I don't know how you view yourself or what you've heard about YOU! I don't know who left you and who is tormenting you. I don't know what you need know today or what dream you had that's been deferred. I don't know what you've been told and how much trash they have compared you too BUT you are not that. 

I do know that the same God that I serve TREASURES you, He wants you to come to Him and know what your worth is. I do know that despite what you've been told, my God is the AUTHOR AND FINISHER OF YOUR FATE and every wrong in your life He can right and just like me, every mess (trash) that you've been in, He can turn into your message. 

DONT YOU DARE GIVE UP!

DONT YOU DARE STOP! 

YOU ARE NOT TRASH!

YOU ARE HIS TREASURE! 

This Is A True Story.........

Pray

Because God loves to hear your voice and there is NOTHING that's too hard for Him!

Pray because God can do ALL things. 

Pray because your life needs God 

Pray.......because He that started a good work in you will continue it! 

He has to hear you so He can speak to you as well! 

Pray......because your family needs it!!!

Pray.........because God is worth the challenge! 

Yes, the challenge! He challenges us in His word....He said "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" so even if you cannot see it He can see it and He's saying that He can do it for you! 

This is A True Story........

God is INTENTIONAL...

Ever so often i sit down and I think about my life, where I am and where I should be or where I want to be. Never do I think that where I am is where I am suppose to be and God does things in His timing, in His season and for HIS WILL!!!!

I'm sitting here on my couch, crying, YES, crying, at my life, at my "feelings" about my life. At the people in my life. At the hurt in my life and blah blah blah blah 

And like My Savior is, He won't leave me hanging, in the midst of my despair, I hear a still small voice say "God is intentional". Of course I know what intentional means but I grab the dictionary anyway and it says "deliberate, done on purpose, premeditated, purposeful...." 

And immediately the scripture "Before you were formed in your mothers womb I KNEW YOU approved of you [as My chosen instrument], and before you were born I separated and set you apart, consecrating you; [and] I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."

Jeremiah 1:5 AMP

I'm crying again....

Because it's that kind of love that will bring you out. It's that kind of love that sets you apart from someone else. It's that kind of love that is intentional, done on purpose, so premeditated that even if you are at the bottom, the end of the rope, it pulls you out and put you back on the "predestined" path that was already designed for you. 

DONT GIVE UP! Keep fighting. Keep pressing. Keep trusting. "For I know my plans for you, they are GOOD ONLY" He said. 

I still have tears in my eyes but I have faith in my heart so don't judge how you feel as an indicator of where you are. You are NOT your feelings!! 

This is a True Story........

Sometimes less is really more

Contrary to popular belief I don't always dress like I'm going to a gala lol...there are days when the less I'm wearing, the better I actually feel! Simple style is the best because it's classic, it's fashion, it's YOU! I received so many compliments today and all I did was throw on something to take the kids to the barbershop but I didn't want to look like I just rolled out of bed either! I mean, let's be honest, when you are juggling kids, a household and YOU, it's not always the first thing you think of (looking cute) but it should always be the thing you strive for because regardless of how hard you work and who looks at you and "whatever" the first thing they will see is how you have presented yourself to them.

Walking across the street, my photographer caught, what to me, was the money shot...........

Simple black Jcrew Tee, Gold Jcrew oxfords, YSL and Marc Jacobs bracelet, Jbrand denim, Gucci tote and Sunnies. 

I pointed that out because looking at it you wouldn't even be able to tell because as I first stated, less is really more. 

So to all my Mommies on the go, all my working women, sisters that are chasing after whatever you're chasing after, don't forget YOU! You deserve to look great! 

I came, I saw, I conquered! 

This is a True Story....

An Ode to "My Mother"

I'm not sure how many people know this about me so if you are new to my blog I'll start off by explaining. I don't know my mother. My biological mother that is. I was raised by my father and as odd as that may sound, it is very true. 

See all my life he was all that I knew. Unlike most of my friends, I didn't have the late night cries with my mother or have her there when I got my first period. I didn't have anyone to talk to when I first had my heart broken nor did I have her there to help me pick out a prom dress BUT believe me when I tell you, my father did the very BEST that he could and he raised me the best way he knew how.  He loved my mother and growing up I realized that I was created out of a love that was real and regardless of why she left or what made her walk away, I know that in that moment, my father wanted me to "be". 

About 10 years ago I gave my life to Christ, I started going back to church and learning who God really was. Shortly after I became pregnant but unfortunately I went into labor very early and gave birth to my first child when I was only 5 and a half months pregnant. It was rough for us. I was young and could not understand what was happening or should I say, had happened to me.  My Pastor prayed for me and my family and at that point she put someone on assignment to pray for me every time that she could. Some time went on and befriend two ladies at my church and we grew a very unique relationship. It was as if we were designed to be more family than friends. We became sisters and I grew really close to their mother. She nurtured and loved me like her own. Called me and checked on me almost every day sort of like how I do with my dad. I shared my pain with her and opened up my heart to her. She prayed for me every chance that she got and she taught me how to build on that relationship that I had with the Lord. See this woman, she didn't birth me but she knew me. I mean she knew me. She knew my heart. She knew my pain. She knew my tears and listen she even knew when I wasn't taking her the truth. She could speak to my spirit without saying a word to me and I would hear what she was saying. It sounds weird. I know. But the connection we had in the spirit I knew that only God could have done. 

In 2005, I got pregnant and like the last time the devil tried to take my son but this time he lived. He was born at a whopping 1 pound 15 ounces and stayed in the NICU for 3 months.  This woman that I speak of came to visit my baby every day of those 3 months. She prayed with him. She called him by  name and spoke his very being into existence. This was a rough time for means she was there EVERY step of the way.  When he came home she was the first person to hold him. I could still remember the doctors saying that he could not be around people for the next few months but his first night home I was so clumsy so inexperienced but I got in my car and drove to her house. She held him, like one of her own. She cried and held on to him as if she knew what he would be. That day will forever be etched in my heart. 

Four and a half years later I gave birth to my second child. I suffered Congestive Heart Failure right after and again, this angel that God had sent to me was with me every step of the way. She even knew that I was pregnant even before I did and now here she is praying for my life and keeping watch over my children. 

Our bond is something that I cannot explain but I know that I know that I know that It is the will of God for her to be in my life at this time in my life. 

Another 4 years later I give birth to my LAST child (lol) and this time it was fatal. After I had him, 5 days later, I woke up in the morning with the worst headache of my life. Here I am, 3 children, one a new born, and I literally feel like I am knocking on deaths door. I call my angel and she accompanied me to the hospital. I was told that I had a blood clot in the brain and had to be transferred. When I was transferred I had a massive seizure and I have no memory after that. I woke up the next day and the first faces I see is my husband and of course my angel (my father was there as well and my Pastor and Elder) but those two faces were the first ones I saw when I opened up my eyes.  See while I was in the ER she was there with me and as unbearable as the pain was she held my hand. She rubbed my head. She pat my back. She prayed. She sang. She talked to the Lord BUT most of all she was there with me. 

I didn't have my mother as a child but I gained a mother as an adult.  She was the woman that my Pastor had placed on assignment to pray for me way before I even knew who she was. She became the woman that my biological mother could not be. I thank my mother for giving birth to me and even now I can say for leaving.......had she not left........I would have never known the woman I call my mother today. 

Mothers have a certain nurturing ability to them that most people would not understand. They can change the atmosphere of your heart and soothe the aching of your soul. 

Today is her birthday and I want to thank Her for being who she is in my life. 

This is an Ode to my Mother.......Virginia......had I not met you when I did I don't know where I would be today. You are beyond what some call amazing and you have given me hope during so many times when I had lost it. Your prayers have sustained me and your love have blessed me. You are the NATURE AND CHARACTER OF GOD IN ACTION. I LOVE YOU, from the crown of your head to the soles of your feet and because of you I am a better woman today. 

This is an Ode to my mother......Virginia.....you are the very thing that I needed that I never had. This is an Ode to my mother......the woman I cried for as a child. You are love, you are joy, you are life and your heart is undoubtedly the most amazing heart that I've come across......

This is an Ode to my mother......Thank you and Thank God for you! Happy Birthday Mommy, I'm so honored to be able to call you that. 

This is a True Story.........

Maverick Monday's

According to dictionary.com, A Maverick  is "a lone dissenter, as an intellectual, an artist, or a politician, who takes an independent stand apart from his or her associates" 

I realize that I've shyed away from the very thing that was apart of me for so long and this morning my sister friend (and also my favorite blogger who retired by the way) said the most amazing thing to me. She said: "Sis when you undervalue what you do, people undervalue who you are. You're too great"  she said that because she gave me a compliment on my sense of style and I was afraid to publicly acknowledge it. I had been hurt before, tremendously (publicly at that) and shunned for who I was. I am a woman of excellence and "style" and the style part had been made out to make me feel like "who do you think you are" kind of feeling..........and not that I'm trying to revisit that, trust me I'm still working on burying the emotional scars it's caused me (especially because of who said it and where it was said) but I used it to address what she said to me. How many of us shy away from who we really are because someone lied to us about our own truths? How many of us shy away from the GREATNESS that we have been created to be? Some of you are born with innate abilities and amazing talents but someone talked you out of who God created you to be. The bible says "don't you know that Ye are gods????"

 Bruhhhhhhhhhhh, do you know how serious that is? The type of power and tenacity you have been given to help change lives, not just around you but in your communities and eventually this nation. You have to walk in your God given destiny and be a Maverick to this world, take an independent stand apart and ARISE TO WHO YOU HAVE BEEN CALLED TO BE!! 

I am a woman of excellence AND style, one of intelligence and integrity. I lead and never follow. I am confident in who God has called me to be and who He has called me to! I was set apart for such a time as this and I walk worthy of my vocation. Not to mention I look good to be a mother of 3 and I can out style some stylist! Lol! *daps self* lol! 

Today I want you to rise up to who you are, turn away from what "they" say you are and stand on the truths that God called you to be. He said that "no weapon formed against you shall prosper and EVERY tongue rising in judgement against you will be condemned". EVERY TONGUE, so speak only that which is TRUTH about who you. 

I had to learn that what God called some to is not what He's called me to. We are all peculiar, our callings are different and the thing that He's placed in me: my passion to change the youth and my community, my love for all things fashion and my bulldog approach at protecting my children and their future at all cost is my God given work and my assignment. Who am I to say any different? Better yet how silly am I to let what was said deter me from what has been destined to BE in my life. 

Repeat after me: 

I denounce every negative word spoken over my life and cancel it right now in the name of Jesus. I speak life and that more abundantly over who I am and I press towards the high mark in Christ! I am who God has called me to be: the head and NOT the tail. I walk into my destiny with courage and the ability to fulfill my call. I am beautiful (handsome if you are a guy). I am blessed. I am powerful and I have power. I am who God says that I am" 

ARISE TODAY MAVERICKS AND BE WHO YOU ARE! 

This is a true story........

So effortless......so me!

I love this layered look and how it's not thought about.....it just IS! 

This is really a look I would put together. Leather pants under a skirt and of course a scarf to pull it together. If you know me, you know I own 9 million scarves! 

Am I my brother's keeper??

Sooooooooooooooooooooo, my son had his second sleep over this year, last night, and it was tons of fun (well for them), for me it was tons of juice passing and cookie crumb sweeping but anything to make them happy right? lol!
They played all night and in the morning they woke up playing.  My oldest son was the one that had the sleep over but my middle son follows everything that he sees his brother do so of course he was a participant in this fiesta.  A few times he came to me crying because my oldest left him out or would not include him in some of the things that they were playing with.  That annoyed me more than I wanted to admit for various reasons so at the last "Mommy, they don't want to play with me," I called him (the older son) into my room for a talk.  I let him know that his younger brother was HIS responsibility and he had a responsibility to make him feel like he was his brother and he could play with anyone that he played with.  He was to treat him the same, if not, BETTER, when he is around his friends because no one should ever have the opportunity to see him mistreat him because that would make them comfortable in doing that to his brother as well.  His friends owed his brother nothing but to respect him because they should know that this is your brother and no matter what you would keep him safe at all times.  He nodded in agreement but I knew that he understood but didn't quite understand.

Then it happened again.............

This time I called everyone to the living room and I said basically the same thing again but this time in front of all of them together: The accuser, the victim and the audience.  (The accuser - the older brother, The victim - the younger brother and The audience - his friend).
See I had to make it plain to him in front of his friend that he was going to show his brother love and kindness no matter where they are or who he's with.   That pertains to every aspect of their lives.  I may not be able to be there all of their lives but for the time that I am there, I will teach them the best way that I can and I will show them the foundational principles of a successful life.  Family is all that we have.

I was an only child growing up and so was their father.  We both never had to share or went through sibling rivalry, etc, however, we both stand firm on the belief that they will grow close and stick together.  Now, don't get me wrong, of course they have little sibling rivalry but they love each other but I also see that my oldest is coming into his own and they are 5 years apart so there are things that they will not be able to do together. The one thing that they will always have is EACH OTHER and they have to know that.

Its like what Christ taught us, to be there for our brothers and sisters, NO MATTER WHAT! No matter if we agree with them or not, or if they are wrong or right.  Correct them behind closed doors but protect them at all cost.  When He died on the cross for our sins, we were IN SIN and facing death but He took the "L"for us so that we might have life and that more abundantly.  He kept us and He saved us.  When your brother is down, do you build him up? Even if you cannot physically do it, do you pray for him? When your sister is being mocked or better yet lets talk about modern day stuff, when your sister is in the midst of the latest gossip, do you engage in the conversation or do you take a stand and walk away?? Do you tell them that you will not partake in this and cover her or do you laugh at whats being said?  *Let that sink in*

If you've answered yes to any of that then its time to check your love walk, its time to practice not only what you may have preached but practice what you have been taught.  Its time to take a stand for whats right and who's right.  My oldest son may not fully understand right now why he has to do this but the next time he feels like mistreating his brother or even allowing someone else to do that he will remember my words and stand firm on them and show that no matter what happens, I will always be my brother's keeper!!!!





This is a True Story..................

The Championship Round

This morning I had the opportunity to speak to a group of young ladies at a center for women. There was some confusion in the time frame because see I was really suppose to speak yesterday but I misunderstood the rescheduling date and thought I was up next Wednesday when I was really up today. 

I was frantic! I did not know how I was going to maneuver my day because a) I was home with the kids and b) I had some other things on my schedule that needed to get done and c) I did not want to go back on my word.  The host informed me that I could bring the kids because there is a play area for them and all I could think was "no way am I doing that" all the while that still small voice was letting me know that He was working this out on my behalf. I rushed to get me and the kids ready. I threw on some jeans, a blazer and of course some bad heels *laughs at self* 

The thing is, I work well under pressure but not this kind of pressure when you have to speak in front of an audience and your children are a part of the audience. It made me more nervous than I imagined but I pushed through and I made it there. When I arrived, 10 beautiful girls were awaiting me. I pulled out my speech and got ready to go over each word with them. As I began talking I realized that God had a different agenda, what was on my schedule was not on His schedule. He wanted me to speak to their heart and like my friend Greg told me, to the confidence that they need to be ignited in them. So i did just that. The girls went from sitting against a wall (away from me)  to surrounding me in a circle...... It opened up the floor for girl talk and that we did. They listened and it blessed me to know that I was entrusted with the lives of these girls to  speak over them. 

What looked to me today as chaos turned into my championship round. Had I not stood still, even for one moment and say "God you have to work this thing out for me" I would have told them I couldn't make it and walked away from this chance.  Moreover, my children were able to see me in action and the super mom super powers that I had were at work. 

In the midst of your chaotic life, in the middle of what seems like you cannot overcome take a moment and reach out to the one who fixes all things. Ask Him to direct and guide you at every step of the way. There is no question that is too hard for Him because He is waiting for you look to Him for instructions. "for the steps of a righteous man are ordered by the Lord" Psalms 37:23 so in every step of your life you must ask Him who created you and the life that you are living, for His divine direction. 

Repeat after me: 

"Today, I ask you Lord to order my steps. Lead me in the path that I should follow and show me the way to go. I trust you. I know that your thoughts for me are good only and if you send me to it then you will bring me through it. I am the victor and I triumph over everything that was set to make me fall. I trust you Lord and I incline my ears to hear your instructions. Amen" 

This is a true story........

In my Father's House.....

My middle son was sick yesterday. I mean he had a real stomach virus, filled with a lot of throw up and other stuff that I wish not to even speak of. I've never washed my hands so many times. I was constantly being called to the bathroom and you couldn't help but to feel bad for him. He had so much pain behind the virus and that was what hurt me the most because I could not do anything for him. All I could do was rub his little tummy and let him know that soon the pain would go away. I'm sure you all know there is no cure for a stomach virus, you just have to let it pass.  So I watched him closely yesterday through all of this and there was something that stuck out to me the most. 

Every time the pain struck he would walk from his room to mine and just lay on my bed. My bed had been the source of some comfort for him. Ironically I was more nervous than anything because I did not want him spilling any of what had been coming out of his body on my bed (lol! I know) but I didn't, however, I wouldn't say that to him I would just ask if he didn't miss his own bed. He told me no. He just wanted to lay here and every now and again he would require a little belly rub. I did all that I could for him and trusted God with healing his little body.  He rolled around in my bed. Back and forth. He would ball up in pain, lay straight in pain or just cry from the pain. I was helpless....words, belly rubs....nothing helped. 

It brought back memories of my childhood, laying on my father's bed when I was sick or when I need to feel safe. My father's bed was the place for me and when I came into the knowledge of who God was God's secret place became the place that I would run to for comfort, solace, healing, restoration and more. 

See, "In my Father's house are many mansions, if it were not so, I would have told you..." (John 14:2), what I find in my Father are all the things I need to sustain myself in this life as the same way, to my sons, they find all they need in their parents: in our beds, our advice, homes and instructions. That scripture went on to say "I go to prepare a place for you .." So even after I've found peace in my Father he wants so much more for me that He is preparing even more for me. 

There is a peace that we find in our parents or guardian. A sense of protection and well...that they just have it all together and can fix anything. It's a certain confidence that we find in them and last night, as I watched him sleep, at peace in my bed, I prayed over him. That was the first real sleep he had all day and that sleep came about in the place that he went to when he needed peace and comfort from the things that have been causing him discomfort.  

When was the last time you went home to visit your parents? Lay in their bed? Talk to them about life? Or cry to release the pain? If your visit is overdue and you are in a season of discomfort or pain, you will find relief in your Father's house!! 

"Seek and you will find. Knock and it will be opened.." -Matthew 7:7 

Go back home today! 

This is a true story......

Oh it's National Lipstick Day

I just came to represent 😼😼❤️❤️

Are you answering to the right title?

Last night I was having one of those heart felt conversations with my husband and I can't really remember the exact question that I asked and he responded "well baby you are a Housewife now..." 

*Gasp* 

*clutches pearls* 

*deep sigh* 

Sir....WHAT??? 

HOW? 

And WHEN did I become that? Did I ask you for that title? *laughs hysterically*  but seriously I did not and now I feel as if I have this title that I now must live up to (sidebar: I was very content with just being a mother and a wife to be honest). 

Here's the thing, I enjoy being home with my boys. I mean, who doesn't want to have the opportunity to raise their children without the worry of going to work everyday!? I've had the opportunity to stay home, at minimum, for the first year of their lives until I went back to work but with the baby I've been home 20 months now and it has been way more harder than I expected to find a job and at times down right depressing BUT I've decided to stop complaining and let God have his way. 

So to my surprise, I have this new title, that I did not ask for, and I'm not sure what to say about it. Like do I live up to this Housewife title, who according to Wikipedia is: "a woman whose main occupation is running or managing her family's home—caring for and educating her children, cooking and storing food, buying goods the family needs in day-to-day life, cleaning and maintaining the home, making clothes for the family, etc.—and who is generally not employed"......... Or do I demand my right to my own title: to be a partial stay home mom who lives off of Starbucks and gawks at her children all day (lol) and partial 'Mini Mogul in the Making?" 

Of course I would choose the latter but honestly I am living all three: Housewife, stay home mom that gawks at her kids and Mini Mogul in the Making. 

The thing that troubled me, however, was the title that I was given without my knowledge of it and it made me think about other titles that we've "allowed" people to give us that aren't really who we are. Titles that push us back, like: failure, has been, worthless, lazy...etc (typing that started depressing me) so imagine what it does to your spirit when you actually hear those words spoken about you. To realize that this is what someone classifies you as and knowing deep in your heart that's not who you are. 

So I ask you today.......what title have you allowed to be placed on you that does not speak of you and what are you doing to change that? 

Will you take on the title of your birthright and allow the ones given to you by God himself to reshape and recreate who you really are? 

He has called you "Prosperous, Blessed, Wonderful, trustworthy, Heir to the throne, The apple of His eye, the salt of the earth...." Will you allow those titles to minister to your spirit and awaken the true you? Won't you allow it today? 

This Is a True Story....

The Motivation for me, was them telling me what I could not be......

Woke up this morning with my future on my mind....my goals that need to be fulfilled and God's destined will being manifested in my life! 

Let's go Dream Chasers! Let's do it!