It was suppose to....

The process was to break me but I cannot be broken. 

It was to silence me but some way or another God will give me a reason to talk (about His goodness). 

It should have weakened me but where I am weak, HE MAKES ME STRONG! 

No matter the tears, the anger, the hurt or the pain, I know that God is God and someway somehow, He's going to make a way. 

Be still and KNOW that He is God Akilah!!! 

S.O.T.D - Song of the day

Hearing this man belt out how overwhlemed he is at the CREATOR, AT GOD AND ALL HIS AWESOMENESS! It just put things into perspective.

"Im so overwhelmed"

M.O.O.D

"We hustle out of a sense of hopelessness. Sorta like desperation. Through that desperation we become addicted. But we feel we have nothing to lose. So we offer you, well, we offer you our lives. 

What do you bring to the table?????" 

What about your friends?

My best friend made me this picture yesterday and it spoke directly to me and how I'm feeling. This one sentence that spoke volumes about my life.....what I'm dealing with and what will be the outcome.......... 

Look at God.........so Strategic🙏🙌

Love.....

"Love, there's so many things I have to tell you but I'm afraid I don't know how cause there's a possibility that you'll look at me differently. 

Loveeeeeee.......ever since the first moment I saw your face, from then on I knew that by you being in my life things were destined to change...."

Thank you Musiq Soulchild for those words. #MyCurrentMood #NotLove #ButJustTheWordsToTheSong #HisVoice #DeepThoughts 

In this very moment I'm King👑.......

34 years young.......Happy Birthday to me! 

Its been 14 years now...........

I can still remember my neighbor and his friends.  They were the life of our apartment building but they moved so silently.  Three young men on a mission that I had no clue what would be.  I could still remember waking up every morning, getting dressed and going to off to school (Lehman College at the time).  I was young and carefree.  way before my children, way before marriage, it was just me.

At least once a week I would go down the hall and kick it with them, we would laugh and talk about our futures, the things that young adults do I guess.  Life was grand.............................

It was grand until one late night I heard the police in my hallway and I looked through the peep hole to see my neighbors, all of them, laying on the ground, head first.  I was confused and of course I cried.  See, I was a sheltered child, grew up to be a sheltered young woman so this was the type of thing that I never expected to see.  The tears streamed down my face in fear, confusion and dismay because there lied my brothers, the people that I looked forward to seeing each day.

Some time went by, I was told that one of them went to jail and since this is the world wide web I will call him Sam.  He was sentenced to 15 years, in a prison, locked away from the world but to me, he was locked away from us, our little family that we all created in our building and all of our talks, and dreams and aspirations were all now shattered and the course of our future would ultimately change.

Its been 14 years and Sam has finally came home! We all rejoiced in excitement because this is all that we wanted not realizing that our family had still been dispersed and we are all living different lives and our paths took a different course.  But Sam...............Sam is home, he looks the same, he acts the same and all I could think of was the course that all of our lives took.

We are given one life to LIVE and though it may take us in different directions at time we should never forget how privileged we are to have it.  See, society looked at Sam as an animal but he came home just the way he left: smart, witty and full of potential, with new goals, new dreams and new aspiration.  His life has reminded us that despite what we are faced with, its what we take from it to use to our advantage.  Sam is who we all want to be: The man faced with his biggest obstacle, who took the obstacle and turned what looked like a tragedy into triumph!!

Sam.......YOU my friend, YOU ARE THE REAL MVP!
Welcome home my neighbor.

Last Night..........

Last night as I was putting the littlest person in my house to sleep, I laid next to him, my face, facing his.................his little baby's breath blowing in my face.......tears began to well up in my eyes because 9 months ago the devil tried to take me away from this, all of this.........all these moments of bliss that God had promised me.....every breath, every kiss, every smile.   He came for my life, the life that ONLY GOD COULD HAVE GIVEN TO ME............but he couldn't have it because I was covered, by the word of God and the Blood of Jesus seals my life.

See, one day I wont have my boys this little anymore, one day I wont be able to rock them to sleep anymore but in that moment that I shared with Liam, the baby, his little baby breath blowing in my face, I was overwhelmed with LOVE.  I have shared this same moment with my other two, I have savored their smiles, their growth, their love, I've savored all of it but right now I have one more chance.....in this moment I have one more opportunity to live with this life that I have been given and guess what I'm going to do????? Im going to live in it because when I wake up and no longer have it I cant blame God because He has given me every chance to have it! 

I look at myself today and say, I am a mother, not something I thought that I would be but because I am I can say that is one of my greatest accomplishments......in this life!!  

Happy Birthday in Heaven

Today you would have been 32 years young. Smile so vibrant, laughter so infectious.........No one could ever take your place in my life and no one ever will! Happy Birthday to my best friend and sister. I've had some of life's greatest memories with you and to God I am thankful for that. I love you Quana Quan aka Queen B!! Forever You, Forever Me 🙏 

Vacation Mode

Not even trying to come back home!!!!! 

So about the gym......

I promise you I would work out everyday with these lol!  

#ChanelC's #CCertified #Regulate 

"Where the magic happens"

My oldest son turned 9 yesterday and I cry (like I do every year). He's so smart, witty, sensitive, emotional, mannerly (very much like me #Seriously). 

I remember giving birth to a baby that weighed 1 pound 15 ounces and watching him fight for his life in the hospital. I can so vividly remember the hands of God healed him, from the crown of his head, to the very soles of his feet. I look at him now and I think, how perfect is he?  

His eyes, his smile, his temperament, his skin, his hands, his fingers, his toes......he's all that I could ask for. 

So this year, he's going back to Disney World and I say back because he's been for his birthday three years ago as well but I think this year he'll understand and appreciate it more.  This made me think of Magic Kingdom and all the things "magical" that it portrays and promises us. It's so beautiful in how it was created and all that it offers and even in my adult years, visiting that place will make anyone feel like a Princess. 👑 

However, I'm in covenant with a God that promises more than magic, who shows more than dreams, who brings more to the table than characters.  This God who I am in relation with He heals, delivers, sets free, brings alive, He seperates you from the rest and calls me THE HEAD AND NOT THE TAIL. He blesses and when I'm broken He fixes me up and make me WHOLE! Everything about Him seems 'magical' but He's more than magic, He's real and as I sit here reminiscing on things that I've done so far, places I've been and my life as a whole I realized that no matter what the world promises me, I now know more than anything, not just a promise, but I know WHAT GOD HAS FOR ME AND WILL MANIFEST IN MY LIFE if I keep my side of the covenant that I have with Him. 

He is more than my Mickey Mouse, He is my EVERYTHING! And in Him, is where "The Reality" happens. 

This is a true story..........

Trophy...

" I just wanna take you out and show you off! 

Girl you already know that you the perfect one. 

I done won me a trophy...."

Your eyes........yo eyes........yo eyes they so beautiful

So my nail salon was booked the other day and I didn't feel like waiting so I decided to go to a different one. About 10 minutes away from where I was but in a quaint little town by The name of Riverdale. My doctor is in the same town so I've been to this salon once or twice but decided to go back. 

I know how it is when you're not a regular....they stare, their quiet and some may ask questions so I had already prepared myself for the awkwardness. While in the pedicure chair the lady said very few words to me and was visibly annoyed when I asked her to try on two polishes before I made my decision. You have to know me to know that's what I always do so i tried not to get annoyed with her. She frowned but I ignored her. We finally get to the manicure chair and she looked at me and asked if I wanted a different color again because on my way to her chair I saw another color (for my nails) that I wanted to try. She looked at me, looked at the polish and said "you gettie the pink. That one. It nice" and then she cracked a smile. I realized they are so what trained to be stoic. It's business as usual and we should never take it personal. When I saw her smile it made me feel warm inside and felt a lot more comfortable. As she started to cut my cuticles, she looked up at me twice and kind of smiled a little. I was going to ask her what was it and then she blurted out "your eyes.........yo eyes.........yo eyes they beautiful". She stared at me in amazement. I couldn't understand where it came from but I thanked her with my whole heart. 

I realized that the whole time she had been doing my pedicure and now manicure she kept randomly glancing at me was because she wanted to compliment me but I guess didn't know how to. She saw something in me that I've never seen in myself. A beauty that leaves you breathless and maybe even speechless. Not bragging beauty.......she saw something deeper than I could see. Deeper than I could fathom and again, I couldn't thank her enough. 

As I sat in her chair, I thought to myself how God sees the same beauty in us. He said that we are "the apple of his eye" and our beauty is incomparable. I always think of the scripture when the angels said to Him: "What is man that tho art mindful of him?"  Even the angels cannot understand why He is so head over heels in love with us.........but I know why..........He has created us in His image and our beauty, our beauty is incomparable, We are His masterpiece, created in His image. 

So today...look in the mirror and look at "your eyes.........your eyes they are so beautiful". 

This is a True Story......

What's in your bag?

So being a new mom again totally makes me appreciate my oversized pocketbooks, especially, The Neverfull. I can throw anything in it on the go, when I don't want to take my regular baby bag. 

Today I was looking for something and came across a really cute shoulder bag that I had, Club Monaco I think and I was rushing to take my oldest to camp and I decided to throw a few diapers in it, wipes, a bottle and my own mommy essentials and VOILA! Look how trendy yet precise this is: 

I had room for my sunglasses, Regular glasses, my little Fendi clutch, Pita Chips, formula, his toys and wipes and pampers were underneath. 

What's in your bag? 

Denim on Denim on Denim on Denim on Denim

If you know me, you know I don't wear a lot of jeans but lately, I don't know if its because I just had a baby or its just that my style is taking a different turn but I have been obsessed with denim! I love how chic and cool it looks with just about EVERYTHING and when paired right it can be a major hit.
Denim overalls are especially making a comeback, well has made a comeback and the looks in this collage are so IT to me! Pair it with a pump or a flat, sandals or sneakers and you too can capture this look.

I'm really in love with distressed denim more than anything and I love that this is a look that even Mommies can pull off.  Check out these celebrity moms representing for us:

and I know Rihanna is not a mom but I'm just throwing her in here because she look so chic in this look! Less is always more in my eyes:

This is a true story..........

15 Days of Prayer

About two weeks ago there was a "Gospel Challenge" on Facebook where singers and non singers would be tagged in a post (most likely by their friends) and they would have to create a video singing their favorite gospel song.  Some of the videos were funny, some cute but all of them was a true indicator that despite your talents not being ashamed of the gospel of Christ was the goal (well to me anyway).  I respected the people who participated and then................for some strange reason........... a friend of mine tagged me!! Now if you know me, you know I cannot sing nor do I even have rhythm which means I cannot dance or catch the beat to clap along to most songs (I clap anyway lol!).

So the encouragement started and then my mentor post a comment and said well just do a prayer but do the challenge.  At the time she said to post a prayer I had already did the song (egaddsssss) but I did.
I loved the idea because I was more confident in my ability to pray than my ability to sing, so I did a video praying, for everything that came out of my spirit.  When I finished the video, for some reason, I felt free...............I don't know why or how but I felt free!

My friends started to comment, encouraging me for stepping out on faith and accepting the challenge and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I could only thank God for that.  Seriously, it was Him! People began to share the video to their pages and the responses were alarming.  I was speechless!

Tonight as I was in the bathroom, I thought about the challenge and I heard in my spirit, do a #15DaysOfPrayer................... Though I am nervous as all outside, I am going to start the challeneg tomorrow and I am going to pray everyday on Facebook for the next 15 days.  I need somethings in my life to be broken and I know that only God can do it.  I know this is way out of my comfort zone but what great success ever came from anyone's 'Comfort Zone?'

I dont know what God is 'Challenging' you to do today but I encourage you to step out on faith and do it! Step out of what is comfortable and do what is right because at the end of your comfort zone lies your ability to FLY!!!!



This is a True Story.............

An Angel In Disguise He Was

On my way into see Bishop Jakes tonight, we pulled up behind an SUV who was 

also trying to get into a parking garage that we were. My friend was driving and 

his gestures kind of annoyed her bc there were cars behind her and we were 

now blocking traffic. By the time we got into the lot, the driver of the SUV 

explained to is that it was the lot keepers that had him wait. We laughed it off 

and kept it moving. We just went to pick up the car and the same man was in 

the lot waiting for his car. I said to him "we came in together and now we're 

leaving together". We also started to talk about the word that Bishop Jakes 

brought forth and how he was imprisoned and Bishop Jakes changed his life. 

As his car pulled up, he looked at me and said "if we never see each other again, I'll see you in heaven...."
There aren't ENOUGHHHHHH tears in my eyes to cry. May God bless him with every blessing in heaven.

The God of the Strategic

I refer to God as a "Strategic God" quite often.  Sometimes I randomly say it because I know that it had to take smart planning and innovation to accomplish all that He has on my behalf (and on your behalf too).  I look at the way my life has played out thus far and it had to take some skillful thought and great plan to pull off what God has done.

When I look up the word "Strategy," according to the dictionary it means " The science and art of military command exercised to meet the enemy in combat under advantageous conditions."
So then I looked up 'combat' and that means "a fight or contest between indivduals or groups.  Acive fighting in war."  Then I looked up 'advantageous' and that meant "favorable or helpful" and 'conditions' is "an existing state."
So I did all of that to get a better understanding of what God's strategy meant and now it reads "The science and art of military command exercised to meet the enemy in a fight between him and I under an existing state of favor FOR ME."  God works my situation out so that when I am in a fight with the enemy no matter what state I am in, I have the UPPER HAND, I have an ADVANTAGE, I AM FAVORED because the God of the Strategic is working on my behalf.  He has already planned this thing so far in advance that I cannot lose, even when I am down in the 10th round of this fight, He has already planned the win on my behalf.  The word says that "WHEN THE ENEMY COMES IN LIKE A FLOOD THAT THE SPIRIT OF THE LORD WILL LIFT UP A STANDARD AGAINST HIM." Isaiah 59:19.  A Standard is something that is set up and established by AN AUTHORITY! god himself, literally RISES UP ON YOUR BEHALF.

Successful companies, businesses, people etc, got to where they are because there are people on the "Strategic planning" committee who are using different resources, planning and organzing the next move for that business or person.  The committe does not sleep until all the goals they set out have been successfully executed and accomplished.  That is just like God, He sets it up so that even when we cannot see what is next to come, HE CAN and the end result will be successfuly executed and accomplished goals for our lives.  He is faithful to His word and a very present help in our time of need.

Stop worrying about what is to come and trust God to use His way of thinking and planning to orchestrate your life.  I mean for crying out loud, He did make you! :)


This is a true story......

Happy Fathers Day to you, you and You

I know yesterday was Fathers Day and I gave you brothers your time to shine but this was my "Fit" for the day because it was only right that the Queen would represent the King appropriately! 

Shout out to all the great dads out there especially my Father who's the GOAT and my children's father...The GREAT!!! 

"Beloved, above ALL, I wish you prosper and be in good health......"

I dont usually watch Dr. Oz but today I found myself watching an episode of stroke victims and how now strokes are more prominent amongst younger women.  As I listened to some of the stories, I was brought to tears.  It was so personal to me because I, myslef, had suffered a stroke just 6 months ago after giving birth to my son.  I listened as these women told their stories and how some of them suffered life altering changes to their bodies and minds.  One woman could no longer read and write after she had the stroke..........and again, the tears flowed down my eyes.

See, that could have been me but I HAD A DIVINE INTERVENTION!!! God showed up and SHOWED OUT on my behalf.  I had minor issues after I had the stroke (weakness on the left side of my body and anxiety) but I had the activity of all my limbs and my mind functioned in the capacity in which designed it to function.  I realize that the work He did in me was GREAT and miraculous.  The doctors prepared my family for my "going"because the type of stroke that I had I was not suppose to make it.

I admonish you today to trust God will ALL OF YOUR HEART AND ALL OF YOUR SOUL.  I have been through so much in the last 6 months but He has kept me, He has healed me and most of all He is still working on me.  I know that it is because of my relationship with him that I am still here.

Be encouraged

Hair Salon Chronicles - "Prayer of Petition"

Lately I've been blogging a lot from under the dryer. I'm starting to think that it's my place of solace and peace, where I find time to think AND blog :). 

Jerry Savelle really did a number with this book. If you don't know how to pray, need help with your prayers or feel as if your prayers are not being answered then this is a good book for you. It's a good book in general but definitely for prayer. 

I was called to read this book about two years ago in my intercessory class. I started it but never finished. I didn't know the depth of what it would entail and how much I would need the word, the instructions and the insight for TODAY in my life.  Often times the things we learn in the moment that we learn them are never for that moment but for a moment in time to come and that is why in "all you're getting, get an understanding" the Bible says. We must grasp hold of every life lesson so that we can apply it to our lives in time of need. 

I'm dealing with something very hard right now and I know that the only way out of this is through prayer and the supply of God's spirit. I know that I CANNOT overcome this without God and what He has done for me so far is giving me tools that I've always had (I.e I found this book in the trunk of my car *sigh) but He's giving me the things that I need to get through this. 

I encourage you today to seek God in the things that you need to get through your daily lives. Find out what it is that you need to make it through each day and instead of putting them "in the trunk of your car" I admonish you to utilize them the moment you receive them so that you can live a successful life EVER DAY!  

Be blessed! 

  

This is a true story......

Women of Warfare

Attended a women's conference that my Pastor sponsors every year and more than the blessing that I get from it is the power that I'm left with. God has an amazing way of speaking to us, not just through preaching but as well as through the things that we do for His glory. As I was "at work" for The Lord today, I realize that despite how inadequate I may be, how many mistakes I have made, He looks pass all of them because what He has created me to be is far greater than what I am right now. 

And of course, the attire called for All black.......... So I popped up in that black and killed that! 😏 

Where do broken hearts go?

I read once that said, "A broken heart is like having broken ribs.  Nobody can see it but it hurts every time you breathe."  I could have screamed out loud when I read that because I was able to identofy with it too well.  I knew what it was like to have my heart broken and love ripped from under me like a rug.  I knew what it was like to have hopes, dreams and future aspirations snatched from me because of one decision, that someone else made, and ultimately took what I thought was real from me.

When Whitney Houston released the song, "Where do Broken Hearts Go," in Februaury of 1988, I was a mere 8 years old.  I knew nothing about love, relationships or boys.......I knew much about nothing because I was 8 years old and nothing else in the world mattered than the dolls that I played with and what sweets I could consume after dinner.   This song would become one of Whitney's top hits and stay on the charts for quite some time.  Here I am, 25 years later, this song would become a reality to me, so much that I would write a blog about it to ease the pain and quench what felt like my soul was burning from.  I would write about it because it eased the pain, it made me see how the heart was so precious, so much that God would forewarn us to, "guard your heart because out of it flows the issues of life." Proverbs 4:23.  I never thought that heart break would be one of the things that God would forewarn me from, I never thought that it could be me because to me, LOVE was the very perfect thing that I was SURE that I knew.

Where do Broken Hearts Go?  Broken hearts go to God, the only person and place that can heal them because "The Lord is near to the broken hearted," because, "He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds," because His "grace is sufficient for you and His power made perfect in weakness..." BECAUSE... HE SAID "Come to me all you are heavy laden and I will give you rest."
He has given us a blueprint on how to come from being broken hearted and He has instructed us on what He would do to deliver us.  He has all the answers and all we have to do is trust in Him that what He says that He will do, He will really do it.

Where do broken hearts go? They go into the arms of God, the secret place, where there is freedom, there is protection, there is comfort and most of all, there is LOVE and as we know, Love is perfected in HIM!!

"Ball so hard.....................

Not sure if I told you guys that I am also a  Restaurant Connosieur but I am lol!

Tonight I tried "Clyde Frazier's Wine and dine" and was thoroughly impressed with the ambiance and the set up. The food was mediocre but having a basketball court in your restaurant is genius!! 🙌🙌🙌

Will You Stand?

Some of our greatest adversities come upon us when we least expect it. Things could be going just as "planned," as you planned, and BAM........ Something hits us and knocks us off of our feet. 

But it's these times that we must reach out to the greater one, on the inside of us, and trust that He will see us through. 

I always think about Peter and when he was at the very brink of walking completely on water (because you know he did walk a little bit right?) it was in that defining moment of his life that he stopped and questioned Christ with the very thing that He had already been doing for him. 

"Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. "30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” 31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,”he said, “why did you doubt?” - Matt 14:30-31

Peter walked on the water and the minute he doubted, he started to sink. BUT GOD (say, "But God") but He reached down and caught him as the word says which is proof that even in our unbelief, God is still there, even when we started the walk but could not finish, He reaches out and helps us. He said that He is "an ever present help in the time of need". What more could you ask for? 

Today, I don't know what you're going through, I don't know what odds are against you, what the devil is using to persecute you........I don't know.......BUT I promise you that if you stand, on God's word and the promises that He has for you, I promise you that just like He reached out and saved Peter, so will He do for you. 

Will You Stand??

It's always a good time to wear All black

To Whom much is given, much is required - Luke 12:48

And one day I'm going to make it and I'll look back on my life and thank God for every obstacle.............. Because without them I would have never been able to see the true strength that I possess! 

The Great "I Am"

The Unprecedented Act of Love.....

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.  - 1Corinthians 13

Whenever I think about 'Love' it always brings me to the Biblical explanation of Love. God speaks so purely of it and what it does and does not do. It ultimately seems flawless because it keeps no record of wrong doing and holds no grudges. That in itself goes against human nature because we are selfish creatures who places "I" before just about everything. However, thousands of years ago, the greatest act of love was displayed for the whole to see and to me it is the greatest love story ever told......"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." - John 3:16. God loved this world so much, with all it's flaws, disappointments and anguish that it caused Him, He still loved us so much that He made the ultimate sacrifice and gave His only son so that you and I might one day live.  What pain it must have caused Him to watch them torture the child that He created, that He fearfully and wonderfully made. Imagine your only child given up as a sacrifice so that someone else could live? 

That's the Unprecedented Act of Love, (Unprecedented - without previous instance; never before known or experienced; unexampled or unparalleled), it's something that is always new and like the definition says, never before experienced or known. 

Love is just that, it starts a anew everything. It erased, it we eradicates, it advocates, it renews and revives, it resurrect, it builds, it uplifts and upholds. None of what I just said was apart of the Biblical definition but it was still apart of love. Where there is love you cannot fail. I think of my love for my children and how twice in my life I faced death to give birth to them, yes twice. So that means that after the first time I actually went back and had another child who I suffered so badly after birth that I had a stroke that was designed to kill me. The doctors were in amazement that I lived through it but what they didn't know that what I experienced in that ICU was God's "Unprecedented Act of Love" for me. 

God wants to love you, He wants to show you how His love for you will change the very course of your destiny, it will catapult you from one realm of your life to the next. Where there is love, you can find Him and if you seek Him today, He will be there, waiting, just for you!!! 

                    This is a True Story......

The Protection of the 91st Psalm

He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. 2 I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust. 3 Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence.  4 He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler. - Psalm 91: 1-4

I confess the 91st Psalms over my children as well as my husband and household daily, yes there are days when I forget but I try my hardest too because I understand the importance of keeping us protected and allowing God to do just that by confessing His word. 

These words could not be any more "truer" to me today as well it cannot be any more evident how faithful God is to His word because in the middle of the night my entire family could have been erased, my building could have blown up and this message would have never reached you.  Yesterday I walked out to the front of my building and was greeted by a Con Edison team working on something in front of the building. I noticed they were lifting up the gas gadget thing on the sidewalk but I didn't say anything because I figured my landlord (though a jerk) would definitely warn us if our lives were in danger. Later on that afternoon I was trying to cook and noticed that my stove would not light up. Shortly after the team of ConEdison workers knocked on our door to let us know that the gas would not be on for the rest of the night until they fixed the "leak."  Again, my landlord never called or warned any of us so when I  woke up this morning there was still no gas.  I ran into my neighbor who told me that someone reported the gas leak and basically what would have happened to us is the same thing that happened to the building on Park Ave in Harlem (http://mobile.nytimes.com/2014/03/13/nyregion/east-harlem-building-collapse.html?referrer=).  I almost choked on the air that I was breathing because all this time there was something happening that my landlord knew about and still never told us. We could have all died with no knowledge of what was really happening. 

But God............He is so very different. He stays true to who He is an weh He says that He will never leave us not forsake us, HE MEANS IT!!!!! The angels of God were on assignment over my household. They never left their post, they stood their ground and fulfilled what was required. When I plead the blood over my children and my husband, it went to work because wherever you apply the Blood of Jesus, HE MUST MANIFEST HIMSELF. How much greater can He be for us to recognize that He is truly ALL that we need? What greater love is there than this that He would stand for us even when we cannot stand for ourselves? 

I'm so very grateful today because this message could have died inside of me but God saw it fit that I still live to spread His word and it is very true that He kept me in His secret place. 

The bane of my existence...........

In November of 2013, I became a new mom again, for the third time.  To some people that may sound a lot while to some, it sounds like the perfect family; however, to myself.......it sounds like the process of God's will for my life working itself out.

With a new baby comes all the glorious things like changing loads of pampers, feeding as well as washing the bottles that you feed the baby with.  I found myself saying the other day, "washing and sterilizing baby bottles have become the bane of my existence."  I chuckled to myself once I said it and thought about how many times a day I wash and sterilize bottles.  I make sure that whatever goes into my son's mouth must be clean, fresh and lack impurity.  No matter how many children I have I will never get use to them getting "dirty" nor will I ever be able to stomach them likening their food dropping to the floor with the 4 second rule (or however many seconds it is).   I cannot protect them from everything but I can do the best that I can and try to.  It is just something that we do............it is something that mothers do and some I even think enjoy doing.  We are maternal and we nurture and that just comes with the territory.

I thought about how the new "bane of my existence" reminded me of my relationship with God and how everything He did for me was just like I would do for my children.  He did these things because I too was His child and He wanted to protect me, offer me great things to benefit my life, love me, guide me, bless and make sure that I was on the right path.  I thought about how much He loved me that He gave His only son to die so that I could live! How amazing is this God of mine that He would do all these things for me, EVENTHOUGH, I am not worth of them all.  I sat back and I smiled because the new 'bane of my existence' could not compare to that of God's but I realized that the true bane of my existence is what I have in Christ and the relationship that we shared.

So continued to wash Liam's bottles and this time I took more pride in what I was doing because there was a greater one out there who did more than I could ever do and does it all because He loves me.




                                                                                          This is a true story...........

Take me to the King....

He died so I might live...... I cannot ever repay Him but I can live a life of Thanksgiving and honor to Him! 

Every Mom needs a stylish comfort shoe....

I'm not a sneaker gal but every now and again I have to kick off my heels and get down. I refuse to do that without still being stylish. 

So here I am under the dryer, dawned in Isabel Marants and distressed #7forAllMankindDenim 

And lately I think I like who I'm becoming....

There comes a time in life.....

There comes a time in life when you have to re-evaluate your life and think to yourself: Is it really necessary to have shopping apps on your phone? 😕🙇💭

The joys of a working mom

I absolutely love being home with my son but trying to make changes in my life (I.e finally starting my blog, changing careers, etc) proves very challenging at times. Typing with a sleeping baby in your arms is no joke, it's real levels to this parenting thing lol! 

But then I look at him and think........without him, without them.....what would my story even hold? 

Seasons

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing. - 

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-5

I was sitting here thinking about Seasons and what it meant, how things have changed so drastically in my life in just a period of one year.  The first thing that came to mind was what the Bible said about Seasons and how there is a time for EVERYTHING under the sun and everything comes full circle.  I thought about my highs and then my lows and realized that the low is ofetn a prerequisite for the high.  It prepares you for what is to come, that next level, so that when you get there you are fully prepared (in most cases) to tackle what lies ahead.  

One of the lowest points in my life was watching my first born fight for his life for the first three months of his life in a Neonatal ICU (or NICU).  I gave birth to what looked like skin and bones.  We couldn't hold him for weeks because preemies are so sensitive that even the very touch could trigger something detrimental for them.  So I sat next to his incubator every day, I prayed, I cried, i wondered what he would be like if he was to grow up.  I wondered about the sound of his voice, the pitter patter of his little feet, the smell of breath, his touch, his kiss...........I wondered about all the things that I've seen all the new moms that I knew experienced but me.  I prepared myself for the worse because the doctors paint a very clear picture to you of all the things that will take place in your child's life because of the time that he was born (or now should i say, the season in which he was born).   I started thinking about therapy and delays, I thought about how he would develop socially, how his emotions would be affected by this prematurity and of course you know with that, I also started to blame myself.  For those three months, life stood still for me and this is coming from the same person who believed in the very God who could make all things possible.  In my heart I knew that but my flesh would not allow me to see pass what was in front of me.  So I built my faith up, I prayed more and I know that there people praying for him as well.  

Then one day I woke up, from what felt like a very long dream and there he was: He was walking, he was talking, he hugged me, he kissed me and he said "Mommy" way more than I expected.  This man child that I had given birth to, this man child that I had prayed for, God's gift to me, I woke up one day and there he was: Healed, restored, delivered and set free from the bondage of sin and death.   It was then that I was awakened to the "Seasons" that would take place in my life because 'To everything, there is a Season"

The Art of Masking

Your heart.....

"Above all else, guard your heart because out of it flows the issues of life" - Proverbs 4:23 

I never knew the depth of what lies in the heart, the mechanical organ that sends blood around the entire body. What would be do if it no longer pumped the blood that we need? What would we do if it decided one day to no longer function in the capacity in which it was designed to function? God has to intricately designed our bodies that every organ, vein, blood vessel and capillary all work with other and when one stops it affects the other and ultimately affects the rest of the body. 

Kinda of why I think He warned us through His word, to guard this special organ, this organ if not treated with care can affect our lives. Our emotional stage is wrapped up in our heart and when our emotions (mood, temperament, disposition and the physical part of it is our nervous system) when we throw that off balance we throw our lives off balance. The very issue that eats at you and stops you from thinking, breathing and even at times living that's the very issue that flows from the heart, the same issue that affects our emotions (nervous system) and eventually consumes us. That's what God speaks of, that thing that you have no control over He tells us to guard our hearts from and just like the gentleman He is, He knows that some of us, like myself, are thinkers, so He leaves us with another instruction.... "cast all your cares on Him, for He cares for you" - 1Peter 5:7

I don't know what your heart has been through but mine have been dragged through the trash and stomped on and just when I thought I could not take it anymore, I picked up my pen (well laptop) and I write and as I write I could hear Him, my Savior, calling me, from the depths of my pain into the warmth of His hold. 

Won't you let Him comfort you?? 

My Introduction To Blogging

Testing............Testing..............testing........1,2,3..........................

This is a test to see how bad I want this and how far I will take this.  

These post are a true testament of my life......